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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26214226">Illicit Affairs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_birds_and_booksellers/pseuds/Odd_birds_and_booksellers'>Odd_birds_and_booksellers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:08:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,823</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26214226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odd_birds_and_booksellers/pseuds/Odd_birds_and_booksellers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Jo was one of the residents from Mercy West? What would’ve happened if Alex and Jo had met while Izzie was still in the picture?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Karev &amp; Jo Wilson Karev, Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Group Chat's Fics, jolex x taylor swift week</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Illicit Affairs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story takes place in season six, Jo is one of the residents joining from Mercy West.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Tell yourself you can always stop</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>It's all a mess, he's not sure how he got here, he was better than this, he was a better man or at least he was trying to be a better man. He knew it was wrong, deep down he knew it all along but he couldn't seem to stop himself, it all had seemed so easy with her, easier to be a good man with her by his side because she never looked at him like he was anything else but that, even when he'd stabbed her heart and thrown her away like trash.</p><p>And now he's lost her.</p><p>The shiny wedding band, still new and barely worn, mocking him as he fiddled with it in between his fingers.</p><p>"Messy divorce?" The bartender nods down towards the ring, as he wipes the bar down in front of Alex.</p><p>"Something like that..." He grumbled, dropping the cold metal band on the bar.</p><p>"That sucks man I'm sorry..."</p><p>"Don't be..." Alex mutters, tipping his head back to down the rest of his beer, hoping the bottom of the bottle will numb the pain if nothing else.</p><p>It's not his divorce that's got Alex Karev drinking his life away and it's not losing his wife either.</p><p>He had told himself it didn't mean anything, it was a fling, it was fun, it was nothing he hadn't done before yet this time something was different, he couldn't stop, she wasn't someone he could walk away from.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>What started in beautiful rooms</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>The NICU is often considered the worst room in the hospital but not for Josephine Wilson, she's always found the beauty in the tiny lives that were stronger than most grown adults, the tiny little fighters a daily reminder of the miracles that could happen.</p><p>And when she's watching Alex Karev hold that newborn against his chest, exhausted from the hours spent on shift, yet never moving a muscle, she's reminded just how beautiful the NICU can be.</p><p>She tries to ignore the way her heart begins to beat faster when he looks up at her, he's trouble, trouble she can't afford to get herself into.</p><p>"What are you staring at?" He croaks, rubbing his eyes gently, careful to not disturb the baby cradled against his chest.</p><p>"Nothing...brought you a hot chocolate." Jo mumbles, shaking off her trance, a small smile still playing on her lips as she extends the cup out to him.</p><p>"Well bring it over here then..." Alex grins, his tired smile making her feel immediately more comfortable as she takes a seat beside him.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Ends with meetings in parking lots</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"You were right..." He catches up to her just before she reaches her car, the cold Seattle rain pounding down on them as she turns around, she looks deflated as her eyes meet his.</p><p>"Alex...it's been a long day and I'm tired." Jo sighs, running a hand through her hair, trying to keep the tears from falling again, the pain from earlier today hitting her full force now the distraction of work was over.</p><p>Alex nods, shoving his hands into his pockets so he could resist the urge to reach out and hold her, knowing it wasn't fair to anyone to do so. "I know...I just need to say something."</p><p>"Well say it then," Jo grumbles, raising her eyebrows at him, she really didn't wanna get into it with him now, she really wants to go home, drink a beer and forget she'd ever met Alex Karev.</p><p>"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all of it, I never meant to hurt you, Jo."</p><p>"I know that Alex, you said that earlier." She sighs again, annoyed at herself for wanting to fix the sadness in his eyes as he speaks, he has a wife to do that for him she reminds herself.</p><p>"You were right, you deserve better, you deserved better than me Jo." Alex mutters, cutting Jo off as she tries to interrupt him. He's not looking for pity here, he just needs her to hear him. "I'm not a good man and I'm not saying this to make you feel bad I just...I'm sorry."</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>It's born from just one single glance</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"What the hell is that?" Alex mumbles in between bites of his burrito as the consistent banging against the wall gets louder.</p><p>"Mhmm think it's Percy and some nurse with clearly no standards" Jo shrugs leaning over to steal some of the chips from his plate as she flips through her magazine "...you probably know her actually," she jokes smirking at Alex who gives her sarcastic smile back, grunting as the moans from the room next door increase, ruining his lunch as he throws the half-eaten burrito down on the table.</p><p>In a flash Jo's up opening the door she leans against the wall, her ear pressed against it for a moment before she throws her head back.</p><p>"Arwoooo."</p><p>She continues to howl like a wolf much to the amusement of Alex who just watches her curiously, laughing as she switches it up to dog barks, drowning out the moans from next door.</p><p>"What the hell?" He chuckles, standing up to join her outside the door.</p><p>Suddenly Jo stops, switching to monkey noises now, not caring about the curious stares from the passersby in the hallway.</p><p>"You are nuts" Alex grins, watching her dance around imitating a monkey, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she does.</p><p>Before he knows it he's joining in, a deep growl coming from the back of his throat as he shakes his head around like a madman without a care in the world.</p><p>"What is that?" Jo giggles, leaning against the wall to watch him.</p><p>Alex shrugs. "I dunno giraffe...dinosaur."</p><p>They're both laughing, when the door swings open, a nurse rushing out still smoothing down her hair as she pushes past them.</p><p>Percy emerges in the doorway fixing his scrub ties as he narrows his eyes at them. "Yep...thanks a lot guys."</p><p>Neither one of them seemed to care though as they carry on growling at each other.</p><p>Alex was surprised to find that for a moment all the pain and craziness of the last few weeks faded into a blur, all he could see was her, her smiling face, lighting up the room as she laughed along with him, it scared him that at that moment he honestly thought he wouldn't mind seeing that smiling face for the rest of his life.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And clandestine meetings and stolen stares</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"What are we doing in here?" He grumbles ignoring the tingles coming from their joint hands as he allows her to drag him into the supply closet. He's exhausted, he's not slept for at least 36 hours and he didn't have the energy to mess around tonight.</p><p>"Just wait…" Jo grins ignoring his grumpy mood as she comes to stop, bending down slowly she reveals a pink box that Alex recognises from the bakery downtown.</p><p>"I stole them from the nurses on derm, they won't eat them any way they're all no sugar and gluten-free." Jo mimics the nurses turning her nose up as she opens the box to reveal a fresh batch of doughnuts, handing Alex one as she pulls one out for herself.</p><p>"It's powdered sugar, it's your favourite." She nods, as she stares up at a confused Alex who seems to have frozen.</p><p>Alex couldn't quite place the feeling that was taking over him as he watched Jo grin up at him with a half-eaten doughnut in her mouth and powdered sugar all over her face. "Yeah...no...this is great thanks." He stutters, he's about to ask her what's going on? Why would she do this for him? but before he can the door swings open and Yang and Grey are standing there.</p><p>"Sorry to interrupt it's just Izzie is here.." Meredith snaps looking between the two of them. "You know your wife Izzie?" She makes a point of looking at Jo as she mentions his wife.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>They show their truth one single time</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>"You don't get to talk to me like that. I didn't force you to be friends with me." Jo yells, slamming the door behind her as she follows him into the empty on-call room.</p><p>"Look I was mad and I was scared." Alex grits his teeth, he's sick of this shit, sick of being yelled at by every other person who has an opinion on his life.</p><p>"Why?" Jo snaps, smacking her hands against his chest. "Why...what's so awful about what Shepherd said that meant-"</p><p>"Because he's not wrong is he?" Alex snaps, gripping her wrists, stopping her mid hit, as he pulls her closer so they're eye to eye. "I am falling in love with you, which is something I can't do because I'm a married man."</p><p>Jo pulls herself out his grip, turning away like his words had burnt her, reaching for the door when he speaks again, each word hurting more than the last</p><p>"I'm a married man with a wife who I want to come home... every day I'm sitting by the phone waiting for her to call, or at least I'm meant to be but lately, I've been hoping she doesn't call…"</p><p>"And that's my fault how?" Jo whispers, her back still to Alex, knuckles turning white from her grip on the door handle.</p><p>"Because you made me love you." He whispers, hanging his head low as he hears the door click shut behind her.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby"</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>She does this every time. Every damn time she lets herself fall for the bad guy, the wrong guy, the guy that hurts her. But this time it's worse because he's never laid a hand on her, no he took something much worse, he took a piece of her heart and she'd let him. She knew he was married and still, she'd let herself get caught up in him.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And you know damn well, for you, I would ruin myself a million little times.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Alex really wasn't in the mood for a visitor as he heard a knock on the trailer door, hoping if he just stayed quiet whoever the hell it was would go away, he didn't need any more unsolicited opinions, but whoever it is doesn't seem to be giving up any time soon.</p><p>Sighing, he puts down his beer, he opens the door, surprised to find Jo looking back at him.</p><p>"Hey" she mutters, she looks deflated today's case had really hit her hard and she hadn't seemed to be able to shift her mood, Alex had been her last resort.</p><p>"Hey" Alex nods like he's waiting for her to say something, perhaps an explanation as to why she's at his door in the middle of the night.</p><p>"Am I interrupting anything?" Jo asks peering past him to check for herself.</p><p>"No...you wanna come in…" Alex shakes his head, stepping aside letting her pass him.</p><p>"So, this is how you're spending your evenings, can't believe you got pizza without me…" Jo mumbles picking up his half-finished beer and taking a swig.</p><p>Alex sighs, he can tell by the tone of her voice she isn't in a good place and out of all the people she could've gone to she's here with him, he never really thought he'd get this chance again, he didn't wanna screw it up by hurting her again. "I'm sorry...about the kid, I know this one hit home for you."</p><p>Jo nods, a sad smile playing on her lips as she leans against the countertops. "It's all part of the job right?"</p><p>"You wanna talk about it?"</p><p>"Not really…" Jo mumbles, placing the bottle down slowly, moving to stand in front of him, her eyes never leaving his, they don't need to say anything the other already knows.</p><p>And just like that Alex is lifting her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist as his lips find hers, promising to take all her pain away if she'll do the same for him.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>And that's the thing about illicit affairs...</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It's born from just one single glance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Whoops, I forgot I had this fic but I've planned it out so clearly and I'm still really excited to write it. <br/>This chapter is a little choppy but it's really just to set the scene for the rest of the story I promise it gets better in chapter two. This chapter takes place 6x05 and 6x06.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shit, shit, shit. Jo was late. Really fucking late, it was her fault, of course, she’d forgotten to buy a new charger and by forgotten I mean there was no time between all her overtime and her need to sleep for survival in which she could go buy one. This of course had led to her phone dying meaning her alarm had failed her this morning. This usually wouldn’t have been a problem as she only lived five minutes from Mercy West but now, now she had to be on the other side of the city, and by now I mean a half an hour ago. Struggling to get all her stuff together as she pulled into the unfamiliar parking lot, Jo quickly broke off into a jog, as she hurried through the doors, she didn’t really have clue where she was going, all she knew was that she needed to get up to the surgical floor before anyone noticed she was late. There were huge cuts across the board, she was lucky to have even been one of the residents transferred, she’d definitely be next on the chopping board if she didn’t sort out her shit soon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lucky for Jo she’d managed to find a nurse who was heading towards the resident lounge away and agreed to show her if she kept up with her pace. Shoving her stuff in the last available and frankly filthy locker, she was unsure where to go next, she’d only caught a glimpse of the hospital as she'd followed the nurse but she was sure she’d never be able to find her way back down to the entrance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fortunately, as soon as she exited the lounge, she spotted her fellow residents, their bright orange sticking out in a sea of blue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “That girl was wack...” Reed exclaimed as Jo fell into line with them all, pulling her ponytail out from where it had been tucked under her lab coast, ignoring the way Avery elbows her the rib cage, clearly her absence had been noted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” She whispers, trying to gauge who they were all staring at ignoring the way Kepner tuts at her tardiness before going back to scribbling away in her notebook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where have you been huh?” Avery frowned, prodding at Jo's side again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo brushed off Avery's pointed look, slapping his hand back as she followed April's gaze towards a group of doctors that Jo assumed must have been about their age, maybe the Seattle Grace residents, they seemed to be in a heated discussion, one of them taking a peek at Jo and the others every so often. "What are we talking about? Who is wack?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This chick went mental at Reed” Percy informed her as they rounded the corner, nodding his head towards a tall blonde with a pixie cut. “It was hot…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes Jo resisted the urge to smack him, watching instead as Reed hit the back of his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? what did you do?” Jo questions turning back to Reed. She’s not sure where they’re all going to, they seem to be walking around aimlessly, shes hoping at least Kepner knows where they're going as the wonder down the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Picked a cubby and the psycho went all cavewoman on me.” Reed shrugs, nudging Kepners, who just nods in agreement as to the approach the elevators.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh.," Jo mumbles looking back at the group in blue, surprised to find them all already looking back at her, their eyes narrowed her own group. So much for a smooth sailing transition, just keeping their heads down and getting the work done as they'd agreed. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Alex feels like he's walking around in a daze as he makes his way down to Meredith's room, his heart heavy in his chest like he’d been transported back to that little boy that was told he just wasn’t good enough, he wasn't worth fighting for then and he’s not now. Why would anyone fight to be with him? all he ever does break them and let them down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mers's voice is fuzzy in his mind, he can vaguely hear her talking, he can feel her and Christina’s eyes on him but it’s all a blur through his tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Izzie left me...she wrote a note and she left me..I...I don’t know if she’s coming back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean she left...where did she go?”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Why do they stare at us?” Jo whispers, they’d been here two days now, and Jo was still living on the edge, even though there already had been around of firing, she knew there were more cuts to come. How could she be a good doctor under all this pressure? She hadn’t been able to sleep right since this merger had been announced. Twiddling her fork between her fingers as she meets one of the Seattle graces residents' eyes from across the room, his name was Karev maybe she wasn't exactly sure. Jo had spent most of her lunch feeling eyes burning into her and every time she looked up at least one of them was starting over at them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because they wish they could be us…” Avery informs her, high fiving Percy enthusiastically, making Reed groan as she banged her head down on the table, knocking into April who was busy scribbling away in her notebook like she always was. They really weren't merging well, they were pretty much pariahs around the hospital. To be fair, they probably shouldn't have gone in all guns blazing but it had been made so aware to Jo that she was stepping onto someone else tertiary that she'd panicked tried to prove herself which seemed to have only pissed them all off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, you should get that looked at...if that head of yours gets any bigger Avery you won’t fit through the hospital doors.” Jo smiles sarcastically, narrowing her eyes on him, before flitting her eyes back to see another one of the residents look over at them. This one is Grey she’s sure, the younger Grey so she's heard, all she knows is that she’d made April cry. Granted it wasn't that hard to make Kpener cry but still, she didn't look the type, unlike Yang who from her brief encounter Jo could tell was not gonna become a firm friend anytime soon.  </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <b>
    <em>“Hey this Doctor Izzie Stevens I can’t come to the phone right now but if you leave a message I’ll get back to you…” </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed, as he ended the call, he wasn’t leaving another message he was done, he had been calling and calling for days and nothing, no response, it was like chasing a ghost and now and now it looks like his job was in jeopardy. He was sure he hadn’t made a mistake, at least he thinks he was, the truth is he was to busy calling Izzie to treat any patients and that's how he knew he hadn’t fucked up, he hadn’t seen that patient until she started coding in front of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Groaning as Izzie’s voicemail plays out in his ear again, he shoves his phone in his pocket,  as the elevator doors open, everyone had been summoned to explain their part in today’s epic failure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crazy day right?” Looking up Alex vaguely recognised one of the Mercy West residents, Willis or something, she was hot...really hot and if this had been a few years back he’d give her the time of day but right now he was exhausted not physically but emotionally and there was nothing more inconvenient in his life then these Mercy West fuck ups ruining their hospital because they couldn’t work out their ass from their elbow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen...I don’t wanna talk or play fake friends with you Mercy West wannabes so back off and leave me alone.” Alex growls, making her jump slightly, as the elevator began to move her face screwing up in distaste as she looks him over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus...you know I heard you were a douche but man are people right about you.” Jo sighs, shaking her head at Alex as the doors slip open, pushing past him in a rush glancing back at him, her watery eyes making his chest tighten. Guilt immediately seeping through him, he didn’t know why her hurt face had affected him, typically Alex didn’t careless who hurt, especially strangers he didn’t even know the names of but he'd immediately felt the urge to apologise as he watched her scurry away.  </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Dr Wilson, what was the patient doing when you saw her?” Jo shrank lower in her chair, feeling Dr Webber's eyes on her, she knew she had done nothing wrong but she couldn't help but feel the heat rising in her body, her palms getting sweaty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure...” Jo strutters, wringing her hands out as she keeps her eyes locked on the table in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not sure?” One of the HR assistants questions cocking her head to the side as she stares at Jo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo swallows deeply, meeting Webber's eyes, he gives her an encouraging nod to continue. “No...I never saw her, I went straight up to surgery, I only came into help when she had already coded.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And in your opinion did Alex Karev seem distracted?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Why were they asking about Karev, was he responsible for this? The guy was a jerk that was clear to see, everyone had said it and she'd experienced it first hand a mere half hour ago and yet she couldn’t lie, she hadn’t seen much of him today but when she’d got that room, with all the noise and everyone darting about trying to save the patient, Karev had focused.  “No...no he seemed in complete control when dealing with the patient.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Hey…” Looking up Jo was surprised to find Karev leaning on the barstool next to her, he looked tired as he held his hand up to the bartender.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi…” Jo whispered unsure she had the energy to navigate him, he’d approached her so it was fair to assume he wasn’t on the defensive but from she’d heard he was more trouble than worth and to think she’d honestly thought that making friends with these residents would be the way to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing deeply Alex nods his thanks as Joe places two new beers down in front of them. “I’m sorry about your friend,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh erm, she wasn’t really...thanks.” Jo mumbles, gripping her bottle tighter, she and April had never been that close but she had been there since day one, close or not Jo felt like she was owed some loyalty, and honestly, that mistake could’ve been made by anyone, it could have so easily been her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Wilson right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Jo…” She nods offering her hand out for him to shake, it's weirdly formal and she’s felt like an idiot the minute she did it, cringing as she watched a slight smirk appear across his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex.” He informs her, taking her hand in his. Jo was surprised at how warm his hand was, not a sweaty or uncomfortable heat just warm enough to make you feel comfortable, his hands were smooth and soft and Jo was surprised to find how easily her hand slipped into his, sending tingles through her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let go abruptly, shaking her hand free, breaking her trance on their hands. “I know who you are...I've been working with you for like a week now.” She points out scoffing, they’d met like three times and this ass couldn’t even remember it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right...well I just wanted to say thank you, I heard you put in a good word for me with Webber.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just told the truth,” Jo mumbles taking a big swig of her beer. “Not bad for...what did you call me? A Mercy West wannabe?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aha yeah...well I mean I don’t wanna say I was right but one you did just get fired.” Alex points out, shifting his gaze back towards Jo's table, Jo following his gaze rolling her eyes as she watched Reed and Percy argue while Avery shamelessly flirts with one of the interns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah cause you lot really seemed to be in control there…” Jo grumbles turning back towards the bar, smacking her head against his as they both turned, not releasing how close they had been sitting. Grumbling her apologies as she pulls away, her eyes meet his. Jo suddenly felt like all the air had been knocked from her lungs, falling into the deep pools of his eyes, behind the darkness of his exterior there was something Jo recognised all too well, loneliness. Not just the type of loneliness you feel when you’re on your own but the type that comes from being surrounded by people that don’t truly understand you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whatever spell had taken over Jo had seemed to take over Alex too, his intern gaze burning through her, like he could see right through to her soul. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound of glass shattering from across the room breaks their staring match, Alex physically shaking it off, twisting around in his seat. “Fair point...I just wanted to say thanks...and that I’m sorry about earlier, I’ve been kinda having a bad week.” He sighs rubbing the back of his neck, his stupid face almost was enough to make Jo feel bad for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because your wife left?” She whispers, she doesn't know why she asks, she can’t seem to help herself. She heard from one of the lab techs that he'd been married to the Pixie that Percy had pissed off on day one, apparently, she'd been fired and just left. Jo didn't really know either of them but from the lost look on Karevs face, she thought it was pretty shitty to just disappear on someone you'd promised to love for the rest of your life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hospital talks you know…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Brilliant” He mutters, his knuckles turning white as the grips his bottle, the shiny wedding band standing out on his hand as it taps against the glass. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Evil Spawn there you are…” Jo recognises Yang voice as she pushed herself through the crowd, slapping Alex's back abruptly as she plops down next to him ignoring Jo’s presence completely. Rolling her eyes Jo took this opportunity to leave and get out of this frankly awkward conservation.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“He is hot though.” Reed grins, eyeing Alex over her glass, her eyes trailing along his body as Jo slumps in the booth beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Percy mumbles confused, abruptly stopping the game of darts he and Avery had going on. His forehead creased as he tried to see who Reed was looking at </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Karev…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Percy groans, his eyebrows creasing as he follows their gaze over to Alex. “He’s an ass…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Avery snorts, not even looking back at the group as he hits a bullseye. “So are you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But he’s a hot ass right Jo?” Reed mumbles her eyes trained on Alex at the bar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess he’s not that bad...for an ass.” Jo mumbles, downing the rest of her drink as she drags her eyes away from Alex clearing him from her mind completely. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always thanks for reading and kudos and reviews feed my soul.</p><p>(Are you happy now Leya?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tell yourself you can always stop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Alex Karev is many things but he's not a quitter. At least that's what he keeps telling himself, he’s not a quitter, he's a fighter. He can survive this, hell he’s got through a lot worse, all he has to do is hold on...just fight a bit more. But it’s hard to keep fighting when you’re not sure what it is you’re fighting for. When Izzie had cancer he knew what they were doing...they were aiming for something and now...now he was aiming for what...her to come back? He loved her, he really did but was it worth fighting for someone who didn’t want him? He’d sat by her side for months and now she couldn’t even be bothered to pick up the phone. So he wasn’t fighting, not anymore…he wasn't giving up but he wasn’t gonna fight either, not if there was nothing...no one to fight for. He needed someone to fight with him...for him. That's what marriage was right? Having someone to fight beside you. If Izzie didn’t wanna fight well then neither did he. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly trudging his way into the resident's lounge, Alex inwardly groaned he was hoping no one would be in there, that he could just get ready for work without having to play twenty questions or talk at all for that matter, he just wanted to be left alone. Which was why he was so pissed to see Wilson propped up on the sofa, book in hand, her eyebrows furrowed as she focused on the text, biting down on the pen between her rosy pink lips. The image sends an unwelcomed jolt of electricity through Alex, shaking it off as he turns to find Reed blocking his locker as she stretches out.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just got a call from Swender’s office that Izzie has an I.L.-2 treatment this week that she hasn’t called back to confirm.” Alex squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, hoping Yang would have magically disappeared when he looked again, but there she was standing there staring at him. Everyone is always staring at him, waiting for an answer, where is Izzie? When she's coming back? Is she okay? Is she alive? All these questions he didn’t have the answers to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And?” Alex shrugs, throwing himself down on the bench, running his hands over his face, he was really trying not to explode at her, it’s not like he had many people to count on right now, everyone he seemed to call family left him eventually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christina tuts as she looks up from her phone. “And she's your wife...who could die” she points out, giving him a pointed look like Alex was the one in the wrong. Izzie had walked out on him with nothing but a crappy note shoved in his locker and somehow he was made to feel like a bad husband. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex groans spinning around to face Yang, making her step back in surprise. “She’ll show up, she's a crappy wife but she's not an idiot…” he growls, as he shoves his bag into his locker, ignoring the way all eyes in the room are on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well it's Thursday at 10…” Yang mutters as she leaves the room, she knows better than to push Alex when he’s in a mood, something these Mercy West...these new residents hadn’t yet learnt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex resists the urge to yell again when Reed raises her eyebrows at him, “Being ditched by a cancer wife won't change my mind, you're still a douche…” she mutters before heading out herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing Alex lets out a deep breath as he watches the door slip shut, his eyes falling down to Wilson who was trying to pretend to still be interested in her book. She was failing miserably and the sight of her eyes peeking over the cover was almost enough to make Alex smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look at me...she's right you know...you are a douche …” She grins, folding her page over as the sound of her pager rings out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is this shit on Alex day?” He calls, as she gathers her stuff to leave. A soft smile playing on his lips as she lets out a deep laugh as she slams her locker shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No that's on Tuesdays...” Wilson smirks as she rushes towards the door leaving Alex to get ready for the day in peace. Maybe today wouldn’t be that bad after all...I mean it had to be better yesterday right?</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Yeah, he was wrong. Of course, he was...what was the point of being optimistic? Meredith had called twice to ask about Izzie, Bailey had tracked him down for an update, everywhere he turned it was like he was hit with the reminder she left him, that she didn’t want him. But that didn’t change the fact that he loved her, he didn’t want her to die, whether she wanted him or not he could take care of her, he could make sure she was okay. If Izzie would just answer the damn phone he could make it okay, he knew he could. To top off his utterly shit day he’d apparently missed out on some once in a lifetime surgery with Shepherd, and Reed was lurking around him just to make sure he knew it. If you asked Alex she’d probably got Kepner fired on purpose and now she was looking to do the same to him. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Why do you do that?” Jo hissed, smacking Reed's arm lightly as she watched Karev storm off, she overheard him on the phone to his wife’s doctors talking about her treatment for tomorrow and honestly, she felt bad for the guy, the desperation in his voice made her want to reach out and help him and if she wasn't so sure he’d bite her hand off she probably would have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Piss him off on purpose, the guys trying to find his wife who has or had cancer…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeez Jo I didn’t know you had a soft spot for Karev” Reed smirks, as she pulls the rest of Shepherd charts out, splitting the pile in two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't...that's not what I’m saying…” Jo frowned, her mouth falling agape, she knew the suggestive look on Reed’s face and she was wrong...so wrong. He’s a married man she didn’t like him, she just felt for the guy. “Look being mean to them has got us nowhere…” They’d been here almost a month and arguing with the Seattle Grace residents had really done no one any favours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And where has being friendly got us?...what you wanna braid his hair and swap marriage stories?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo's face fell, her eyes widening as she stared at Reed who seemed completely unaware of her slip up. Jo knew better than to trust people, then to tell people about her past, but a drunken slip up a year ago had lead to Jo spilling her guts to Reed, who at the time had sworn blind she’d never mention it again to anyone but here she was using it as a punchline to her joke. Like it was funny like it wasn’t a living nightmare. “That's not funny...I told you that in confidence and you just made a joke about it like it’s nothing...like that’s not my life…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jo come on…” Reed tries to laugh it off, pulling at Jo’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No Reed...I’m done being your friend, you’re right being friendly gets you nowhere.” Jo shrugs her off, shaking her head in disgust as she heads off down the hallway, wrapping her arms around herself as the memories of what she’s running from come flooding back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo didn't really know why she was defending Karev, I mean Reed was right he was an ass and she wasn't sure if it was the whole wife leaving thing or if he was just naturally an ass. He just looked so helpless making that call, they'd barely spoken since the bar last week but every time she'd seen him he had this worried scowl written across his forehead. She knew that look, that checking your watch, glancing at the door wondering, she knew the toll it took every time you glanced up and didn't see the person you were hoping for. Her whole life she'd spent waiting for someone to walk through that door, so she felt for the guy so what? It didn’t mean anything, it just meant that she didn’t have to be a bitch to the guy who was clearly going through something. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Jo had barely slept last night, her nightmares taking over as she spent the night sat up in bed, getting up every few minutes to check and re-check the locks. Looking over at Karev she was almost comforted with the fact he looked worse, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days as he checked his watch for the umpteenth time today. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dr Karev...I got this you should go to.” Jo whispered glancing back at Reed who’s eyes shot up as she spoke. “Dr Karev.” Jo hissed again watching as Karev turned his back to her, flipping through his chart. Why are men so stubborn Jo wonders as she grabs hold of his arm, dragging him out towards the hallways before he can protest? </span>
  <span>“You're distracted, you’re checking your watch every five seconds.” Jo snaps, ignoring the way his eyes burned with anger as she shoves him lightly in the direction of the elevators. "You should go I got this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut the hell up,” Alex growls, pushing her hands off his chest, leaning in closer, he's hoping he’ll intimidate her enough so that she buts out of his business completely. But she doesn't move, she stands her ground. He’s pretty sure he sees a flash of fear in her eyes but it's gone almost as soon as it appears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex...listen to me, you idiot.” She spits, narrowing her eyes on him, she doesn't move away instead she moves closer, their foreheads almost touching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex can feel the blood pumping faster in his veins, he doesn't know what this chicks problem is but she always seems to be getting involved, trying to help him whether he likes it or not, and to be clear he doesn't like it, he doesn't need some stranger pushing her way into his life. “You don’t know me, so why are you getting all up in my business.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” Jo nods, biting her lip as she steps back, she can see Reed in the doorway a clear smirk across her face as she watches their interaction. She mouths ‘I told you so’ and it only makes Jo angrier as she turns back to Alex. “I don't know you but I know what it's like to be the one waiting for someone to show up…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs, clenching and unclenching his fists as Wilson takes another step back, her face softening as she speaks. He’d never thought of it like that. “She doesn’t want to see me, okay? she bailed, she gave up on me. She didn’t even tell me to my face. She left me a note, so don't act like you know a single thing about my life.” He grumbles, taking another deep breath, she gave up on him, everyone always does and he was tired of feeling like he was the one in the wrong, like he was the one hurting people. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods biting her lip. Sinking down onto one of the chairs against the wall as she pondered what to say. “My mother left me at the fire station when I was two weeks old, I got bumped around foster homes until I was sixteen when I took matters into my own hands and started living out of a car."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is your sad story meant to be helping me?” Alex sighed, plopping down beside Jo as he checked his watch again, five minutes to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up…” Jo moans, elbowing his ribs, a small smile playing on her face as their eyes meet, she notices how his face has softened as he looks up at her, that intense anger that was once their fading away, there's something she can’t quite explain shining back at her, understanding perhaps? “All I’m saying is I know what it's like to be the one waiting...to be the one waiting for someone you love to turn up and how much it hurts when they don't, you have a choice here, you don’t have to leave someone you love waiting.” </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Curiosity gets the better of Jo as her shift ends, she hadn’t seen Alex since this morning, not that she had been looking for him or anything. As she wandered down to the treatment room she expects to peer through the window and find Karev holding his wife’s hand, maybe even find a smile on that face that seemed to have scowl tattooed on. But instead, she’s surprised to find him sitting alone, staring off into space, his eyes glossed over. She should leave really, being friendly at work was one thing but once her shift was done she should step back, she had her own problems to handle she didn't need to carry someone else's as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet somehow she finds herself pushing open the door and before she really knows what's happening she is standing in front of him.  “I covered you post-ops.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She didn’t show…” He whispers, still staring off into space, twisting around the wedding band on his finger. “She can't be this stupid...I mean it saved her life, the I.l-2 saved her life and she didn’t show up.” His voice cracks and it makes Jo’s heartache, she almost wants to reach out pull him for a hug, but he doesn't seem like a hugging type, instead, she is forced to watch as his eyes water. “She didn't show up...who doesn't show up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo presses her lips together, she's lost for words, usually, she can at least come up with some crap she's seen in a lifetime movie, some cheesy line about how it will all be okay in the end but she can’t see to get the words out. Instead, she takes the seat beside him, grabbing a tissue from one of the boxes on the side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is pathetic…” Alex mumbles, letting out a half-laugh as he takes it from her, scrunching it up is in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods, swallowing deeply. “I’ve seen worse,” she whispers, she's exhausted, working both hers and Alex’s cases on top of what was already a pretty shit day for her had knocked her out and yet she couldn't stop herself from wanting to cheer him up. </span>
  <span>“You wanna go get a drink? Forget this day ever existed?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s face scrunches up as he furiously wipes away the last few tears, pulling back to look at her incredulously. “Are you hitting on me? While I’m crying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo's eyes widen, she turns away so fast she almost gets whiplash as she feels her cheeks begin to heat. “What? No…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay but I’m not sleeping with you if that's what you think.” Alex sighs, a slight smirk on his face as he straightens out. He's kidding, right? She can’t tell, the only sides of Alex Karev she's seen so far are grumpy, aggressive and downright depressing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude I offered to buy you a drink because you're crying like the lost puppy you are...what do you think this turns me on?” Jo chuckles, gesturing towards his dishevelled appearance. “Do hot crying chicks turn you on?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex considers her words for a second, tilting his head to the side. “Mhmm kinda” he nods making them both laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Christ” Jo rolls her eyes, before standing. “I’m going to the bar...if you wanna come the first rounds on me.” She calls over her shoulder, trying to fight the smirk on her face as she hears his footsteps behind her. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Alex doesn't even know why he’s doing this, he knows he sure as hell could do with a drink right now but did he wanna sit and play fake friends with Wilson? not really. But then again none of his so-called friends had offered to drown their sorrows with him so he might as well drink with Wilson at least she was easy to look at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Joe a beer for me and my little sad friend here,” Jo calls out as Alex settles in the seat beside her. He’d only taken about 10 minutes to gather his stuff. Was it even possible for someone to be this drunk so soon? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so we’re friends now?” Alex questions, nodding his thanks to Joe as he places two beers down in front of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods, taking a big sip of her beer as she spins around in her seat. “Well you did just break down and cry in front of me and if that's not the marker of true friendship then what is?” She giggles, poking his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude you been crying?” Joe exclaimed, wiping the bar down in front of them, his eyes narrowing on Alex. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...no I wasn't crying.” Alex protests shaking in his head, as Jo continues to nod excitedly, making Joe laugh at the pair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo almost spits out her beer in a very unladylike fashion as Alex taps the beer bottle she had pressed to her lips, making Joe groan as he wipes up the bar again. “Pfft yes you were,” she exclaims. “You were all like she left me urgh” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Jo drops her head against the bar, her shoulders shaking. Alex was about to roll his eyes and tell her to shut up when she begins to sob softly. Was she actually crying? Oh for god sake how many crazy women could Alex attract.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jo…” Joe whispered leaning over the bar, glancing at Alex, both men equally confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jo, you okay?” Alex mumbles gruffly, hesitantly placing a hand on her back ignoring the electricity that runs through him almost every time she's around. "It's just spilt beer Jo." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got you...I so got you.” Jo exclaims, bursting into a fit of laughter as she lifts her head, grabbing a napkin from the bar to wipe away the steady flow of tears as she takes in both Alex and Jo’s face. “That my friend is how you were crying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you can just cry like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm” Jo nods, accepting another beer from Joe. “Got three surgeries out of Sloan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex rolls his eyes, taking a swig of his own beer, eyeing the second one beside it, clearly, he had some catching up to do tonight. “That stuff works for chicks, it would never work for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo shakes her head, spinning around to face him she leans in closer, “You’re wrong a girl crying is one thing, a guy crying freaks everyone out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She's right you know.” Joe agrees, before wandering down to the customers at the end of the bar leaving Alex and Jo alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex considers Jo for a second, I mean really looks at her, her long brown curls, shiny hazel eyes, the little crease lines around them from where her smile was lighting up her face and those rosy lips with that little beauty mark on her cheek. She was hot...really hot, so hot that old Alex Karev would’ve been all over her the minute she entered Seattle Grace but that’s not him anymore he’s married a man and yeah maybe his wife did leave him but he wasn’t about to be that guy again. At least that's what he keeps telling himself. "Show me..." He whispers, taking a sip of his beer as she leans over the bar, yelling out an order of shots. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s easy to just think about your wife or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s face falls for a second as the image of Izzie pops into his mind but it’s soon replaced with Jo’s bright smiling face as she bursts into another fit of laughter, it’s loud and carefree. It's contagious, it fills him up and before he knows it he's laughing right alongside her. It’s been so long since he’s felt like this since he’s been able to breathe easy without the heavyweight on his chest. He was scared to stop fighting for Izzie, that’s not true, he could live without Izzie but he couldn’t face being left, being the guy no one wanted, being alone. However staring at Jo’s smiling face right now, laughing about nothing at all, well it was the first time he’d felt okay in a long time, so maybe today was crap but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday and hopefully tomorrow would be even better. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well...sometimes I forget I write this story. It's 3 in the morning here and it was meant to be up a lot sooner but I kept watching Chicago Fire and crying so there's that. </p><p>You can tell that I started in the day because it makes less sense as I get more sleep-deprived, anyway thank you for all the reviews, I love reading your opinions and thank you for going over to my ask box on Tumblr and letting me know you like this story, it means so much to me.</p><p>Lay</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tell your friends you're out for a run you'll be flushed when you return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jo’s head was throbbing as she exited surgery, it had been the first time working with Torres and damn if the woman wasn’t a rockstar she didn’t know who was. Seriously she felt like was running on this incredible high except for the throbbing headache she had reminding her that she was in fact human and not wonder woman. It was Alex’s fault, in the last week they’d hung out pretty much every day and his idea of hanging out pretty much exclusively included getting drunk at Joe’s or on her couch, apparently home for him was a little bit uncertain at the moment. She wasn't complaining though, Jo enjoyed his company, for the most part, sure he was kind of an ass but once you learnt to read between the lines he was funny and caring and a lot sweeter then he let on. There had been many moments over the last week or so that Jo had to remind herself he was married, that the reason he wanted to get drunk on her couch was because he wanted to treat his broken heart with an empty bottle of liquor. It was a bad idea, and really Alex was just a friend, barely even that and yet they had these moments, these indescribable moments where she just seemed to get lost in his eyes. Like a scene from a movie. It had never happened to her before, she’d never felt time stop or hear her heartbeat speed up while looking into someone's eyes, sure she thought some guys were hot, they might even have pretty eyes but she’d never really got the whole glances say more than words until she met Alex. Maybe she was imagining it, I mean he’d never mentioned it, always brushed off their so-called moments like it was nothing, why would he care he was after all married, she’s sure the only person he wanted to look at was his wife. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing Jo shook herself from any thoughts of Alex as she grabbed hold of all the charts she was gonna need to check on Torres post-ops, spinning around she fell smack into someone. Jo groaned as she hit the floor, the charts in her hand flying out around her, this is what she got for daydreaming about a married man...instant karma.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit...sorry.” A dark-haired resident exclaimed, rushing back onto her feet, offering her hand out for Jo, not even giving her chance to accept it before she's pulling her up too. It was Lexie she was sure, she knew from Alex she was the year below and while she was called Dr.Grey she was no relation to the famous Ellis Grey. Jo hadn’t really seen much of her, other than the fact she knew she was the one to make Kepner cry in their first week she knew very little about the girl. She was pretty sure she was the one Jackson had called and I quote “not as stupid as she looks" after he'd scrubbed in with her and Shepherd last week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lexie right?” Jo mumbled, nodding her thanks as Lexie helped her pick up the files scattered around them. “I’m Jo…” she sighed, offering her hand out. She was done fighting and competing with the Seattle Grace residents, honestly, it was time for a new approach, one that let her sleep easier at night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexie looks as if she's about to respond, when Dr Sloan appears beside them, swooping down he presses a kiss to Lexie's cheek making the young resident blush as she averts her eyes away from Jo. She mumbles some hush words towards Sloan before he disappears again, rushing off towards the O.R.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’re the resident sleeping with Sloan…” Jo nods, laughing as Lexie goes red all over. “I heard about you.” She’d heard about a lot of people, to be honest, the nurses in this hospital were all too ready to gossip, the love stories in this place were intense, seriously everyone was sleeping with someone who was sleeping or had slept with some else. It was like a bad episode of Jerry Springer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Erm yes…” Lexie nods, tucking her hair behind her ear.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow good for you…” Jo smirks, Sloan was hot, maybe a little too confident for her liking but hot nonetheless.  “So everyone’s dating everyone here right?” Jo mutters as she falls into step behind Lexie who was heading towards the elevator. “Like some weird love triangle web.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexie sighed, looking a little uncomfortable with Jo’s question. “I guess you could call it that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, that sounded rude...I just meant” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it’s not weird, actually a love web triangle is pretty accurate.” Lexie laughs, holding her hand up to cut Jo off as the elevator doors slip open, to reveal Alex Karev standing there, leaning against the wall, a phone pressed to his ear as he looks up at the two doctors.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lexipedia…” He nods towards Lexie as they both enter the lift. Jo feels a pang of pain when he doesn't greet her, she turns her back to him, facing the doors as the elevator begins to move again. Her disappointment soon fades however when she feels his hot breath fan her neck sending shivers down her spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Alex whispers, his voice gruff as he moves closer to her, out of earshot from Lexie and the other occupants of the elevator.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo swallows deeply, she can’t believe she laughed at Lexie for blushing when one word from Alex had her physically trembling. “Hi…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So erm I think you have something of mine...and I believe I have something of yours,” Alex mumbles, his arm skimming Jo’s waist as he brings his hand up from behind her, revealing her I.D card. Jo's eyes widen as she looks down at her lab coat, to find his own grumpy face pinned to it, shit how long had she been walking around like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh sorry…” Jo grimaces, taking her I.D from him quickly as the elevator comes to a stop on her floor.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex smirks, shaking his head at her freaked out face as she steps out of the elevator. “Not a problem...I'll see you later alright?”</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“She has your ID?” Lexie mumbles, making Alex groan as she nudges his side, giving him a knowing look. “Why does she have your ID Alex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shakes his head, she can hear the tone in her voice, he knows the assumption she’s making. He’s not stupid he’d already had an earful from Christina but right now he just wanted to make it through the day. “No reason…” he mumbles through gritted teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex?” Lexie hisses, reaching out, she slaps his shoulder, her forehead furrowed as the doors slip open, following him out of the elevator. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow, what the hell?” Alex growls, rubbing his arm, glaring at Lexie as she follows along beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not like that okay...we’re friends or whatever, we drink beer, we hang out. I passed out on her couch last night and grabbed the wrong ID so stop looking at me like that…” He grunts, brushing her hand away as she goes to slap his arm again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lexie narrows her eyes at him, folding her arms across her chest as she cocks her head to the side, god whatever she had in her mind was bad and knowing Lexie it would only be a couple of hours before Meredith appeared to stick her nose into his business. “Good because I shouldn’t have to remind you that you're married…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nods, squeezing his eyes shut, he sure as hell didn’t need the reminder. Suddenly his pager rings out, and if he’d believed in a god he’d thank one because he really didn’t wanna discuss what was or what was not going on with him and Jo. “Thank you for reminding me, seriously before you said it, I had almost forgotten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed, he didn’t wanna keep calling Izzie, frankly, he was sick of hearing the same stupid voice mail. He wasn’t gonna chase after someone who didn’t want him, he wasn’t gonna cry because she wanted to be stupid, that was her choice. Honestly, he was done thinking about any of this, the only time he seemed to be able to forget how monumentally shit his life was with her. With Jo. She made him smile and laugh and for the first time in a long time, he actually felt seen, which is why he found himself seeking her out most days, looking for her in the hallways, paging her during lunch, inviting her for drinks every night in an attempt just to feel something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today was no different, cornering Jo in the cafeteria, letting her convince him to grab burritos from the food truck outside just so he could see her smirk when she got her own way. She seemed a little more distracted than usual today. He was about to ask her what's going on when the banging started from the other side of the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What the hell is that?" Alex mumbles in between bites of his burrito as the consistent banging against the wall gets louder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Mhmm think it's Percy and some nurse with clearly no standards" Jo shrugs leaning over to steal some of the chips from his plate as she flips through her magazine "...you probably know her actually," she jokes smirking at Alex who gives her sarcastic smile back, grunting as the moans from the room next door increase, ruining his lunch as he throws the half-eaten burrito down on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a flash Jo's up opening the door she leans against the wall, her ear pressed against it for a moment before she throws her head back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Arwoooo."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continues to howl like a wolf much to the amusement of Alex who just watches her curiously, laughing as she switches it up to dog barks, drowning out the moans from next door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What the hell?" He chuckles, standing up to join her outside the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly Jo stops, switching to monkey noises now, not caring about the curious stares from the passersby in the hallway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are nuts" Alex grins, watching her dance around imitating a monkey, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he knows it he's joining in, a deep growl coming from the back of his throat as he shakes his head around like a madman without a care in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is that?" Jo giggled, leaning against the wall to watch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shrugs. "I dunno giraffe...dinosaur."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They're both laughing, when the door swings open, a nurse rushing out still smoothing down her hair as she pushes past them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Percy emerges in the doorway fixing his scrub ties as he narrows his eyes at them. "Yep...thanks a lot guys."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither one of them seemed to care though as they carried on growling at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex was surprised to find that for a moment all the pain and craziness of the last few weeks faded into a blur, all he could see was her, her smiling face, lighting up the room as she laughed along with him, it scared him that at that moment he honestly thought he wouldn't mind seeing that smiling face for the rest of his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d saved him, she’d never know quite how much. I mean it felt like everyone was so busy with their own problems that no one was bothered about Alex, probably his own fault for always biting at the people who tried to help him, but Jo didn’t seem to be very afraid of his bite, she gave as good as she got. It was wrong, it was really wrong to even look at Jo and consider anything more than friendship, he’d promised a forever with Izzie, he was a good man he was trying to be anyway, and he wouldn’t be this guy, this guy that broke all his promises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet he found himself at her door again that evening, beers in one hand and a pizza in the other, all his worries fading away the minute she opens the door, that smile knocking the air right of his lungs as she lets him in. Lounging against the sofa, taking the beers from his hand as she flips through the tv channels trying to find something crappy to put on in the background as they put the day to rest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No words were said, there was nothing to say, just a nod of understanding as he plopped down next to her, letting himself relax, no missing wife, no cancer...no Izzie...just Alex and Jo.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I don't know why this is the only thing I can write at the moment...I think I burned out and this is just super easy because it follows the episodes.</p><p>Thanks for reading, leave a review and share the love.<br/>Ps. don't forget JOLEX HALLOWEEN WEEKEND is this week and we have three days of fabulous fics, so head over to my Tumblr @odd-birds-and-booksellers for more info and more fics.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. What started in beautiful rooms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jo was finally feeling more settled at Seattle Grace as she entered the peds ward, she’d been here before, usually to find Alex but this was her first time on rotation up here, not even Percy and Jackson’s stupid comments about peds being for pansies could ruin her mood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I know this is the first time on a peds rotation with me for some of you, not for others.” Dr Robbins smiled brightly, she was little cheery for Jo's liking but Alex seemed to get along with her, and if him and his thunder cloud could get along with the walking rainbow that was Arizona Robbins then so could she.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wanted you to understand that I run my peds unit a little differently than you may be used to. </span>
  <span>This is not general surgery in miniature. These are the tiny humans, these are children. They believe in magic. They play pretend. There is fairy dust in their I.V bags. They hope and they cross their fingers and they make wishes, and that makes them more resilient than adults, they recover faster and survive worst. They believe. In peds, we have miracles and magic. In peds anything is possible.” Robbins smiles brightly, and Jo had admitted it was nice to be taught by doctors that were genuinely passionate about what they did, maybe paediatrics could be Jo's thing after all. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Chief, you need me?” Alex asks as he rounds the counter towards Webber. For the first time in a long time he felt okay...not great just okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The chief looks sheepish as he eyes Karev anxiously making Alex sweat as he tries to recall everything that had happened in the last week. Was he in trouble? He’d been working pretty closely with Robbins and doing pretty well if you asked him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, I wish I didn’t have to saddle you with this Karev but…” Webber hesitantly handed a folder over to Karev, grimacing as Alex's eyebrows furrow scanning across the documents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is all this?” Alex grumbled, registering the hospital logo amongst the overload of information. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As Stevens left no forwarding address, and as you are officially her next of kin, this is the unpaid balance of her medical bills,” Webber informs him, patting his shoulder gently. Ah, Izzie...his wife. Well, there goes his okay day. Sighing Alex begins to flick through the pages...page after page of treatments and surgeries all amounting up to thousands of dollars that Alex would never be able to afford. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was just what he needed because her life wasn’t a burning pile of shit already, it’s not exactly like he has the cash to spare, now he’s got to add this debt on top of his student loans. You know who didn’t have student loans...Izzie. Izzie didn’t have student loans but she was nowhere to be found, and right now Alex was wishing he was nowhere to be found too. “Unpaid balance? I-I don’t get it. We work here at the hospital.” Alex mutters meeting Webber’s eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and insurance doesn’t take care of everything. I’m sorry, but accounting’s been pressuring me since the merger, and I can’t ignore it any longer.” Webber shakes his head, brushing Alex’s shoulder giving him one last sympathetic smile before heading off in the opposite direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey what is that?” Jo’s voice breaks out over Alex’s confusion as she catches sight of him. Leaning over his shoulder to catch sight of the folder in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Izzie’s medical bills there's no way I’m gonna be able to pay all this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me take a look…” Jo takes the papers from his hands scanning them casually as Alex just stares at he confused on why anyone would want to even look at the mess that is al of Izzies hospital bills, didn't she have better things to do with her day. “What? I’m good at math.” She shrugs, walking alongside Alex as he headed up towards the resident's lounge. She always just seemed to appear and make his day better.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Jo had been really enjoying her time in peds, she’d never spent much time on the peds ward at Mercy West but she could definitely see the appeal. The kids that believed in magic, the ones that had so much hope in some of the worst times filled Jo with her own magic hope. If they could be happy despite their situations then so could she. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That had faded slightly when she’d turned the corner watching Alex and Reed engaged in a heated discussion. Reeds hand resting on his shoulder made lit something in Jo she wasn't aware of...jealosuy maybe? She tried to shake off the feeling watching them for a moment. She had no right being jealous, he wasn't hers to keep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Relief flooded through her as her pager rang out, 911 in the pit, a good distraction from her newfound feeling. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“What did Reed want earlier?” Jo finds Alex later flicking through a chart in the peds ward not even looking up at her as she speaks. She probably should have left but her curiosity had got the best of her and the words had fallen from her mouth before she'd really thought about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She was bringing me my labs.” He mutters, his eyebrows furrowed as he focused closer on the chart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She brought you your labs? Wow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Alex frowns, he wasn’t really in the mood to talk right now, he was frustrated with everything and this looming debt he was gonna need to pay somehow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing.” Jo shrugs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs, still scanning the chart.“Just tell me, Jo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just Reed doesn't really do anything for anyone other than herself.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What's your point?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No point...maybe she's just looking for something a little more than friendship.” Jo hints, giving Alex a pointed look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You jealous princess?” He smirks, dropping the chart from his hands, looking up at her finally, that crooked grin that sends Jo heart racing evident as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo rolls her eyes disgusted, fighting her own smirk as she pushes his shoulder lightly. “Pfft no, I don't care.” She shakes her head as he laughs, opening his mouth to respond as Arizona rushes past him calling for Alex to follow, which he does shooting a Jo an apologetic glance as she runs off in the same direction.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“You know I heard there was a hot shirtless doc up here.” Alex is trying to keep himself awake as he sees Jo appear in the doorway, smirking as she snaps a photo of him and the baby cradled to his chest. “I’m disappointed to find out it was you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,” Alex groans, careful not to jog the baby asleep on his chest as Jo settles on the arm of the chair. He’d felt like an animal in a zoo all day, everyone had come up to watch the spectacle of a shirtless Karev holding a baby. “If you’re just here to laugh, you can go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is it going?” Jo rolls her eyes ignoring his grumpy demeanour, it was nothing new at this point. Instead, she reaches out hesitantly stroking a hand across the baby’s cheek. She was so small, so helpless she’d only been here in the world a few hours and already she was having to fight to stay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex watched Jo curiously for a moment, her eyes shining with sadness as she looked down at the little baby.  “Her heartbeats stronger.” He croaks as Jo looks up forcing a fake smile he recognised onto her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wants to ask her what’s wrong but he’s starting to realise he wants a lot more than to ask, he wants to make whatever has got her looking so sad better. And that’s dangerous territory, that almost crossing the line territory because they’d only been friends for about a month and he was pretty sure he’d do anything to get her to smile already. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment is broken as Jo’s pager breaks out, she cringed at the sound mouthing her apologies as she backs out of the room. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It’s the early hours of the morning when Jo finds herself wondering up to the NICU. The hospital had been pretty busy, waves of people bursting through the E.R had sent every doctor on call into a frenzy. She’d lost a patient… a woman in her late 20s who had been hit by a drunk driver, she’d bleed out before they’d even got to the lift. They’d tried to call her next of kin and discovered she didn’t even have one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That had hit Jo harder then she’d expected. That could be her, she could be lying dead on a slab somewhere and no one would even notice her being gone. Ther would be no one to call...no devastated relatives...no one waiting for her to come home. Her tears had come fast surprising herself as Dr Webber had ordered her to take a break.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s when she finds herself at the entrance to the NICU. She kept thinking about Dr Robbins speech earlier today, the magic that lived on the peds ward, that’s what she needs right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The NICU is often considered the worst room in the hospital but not for Jo, she's always found the beauty in the tiny lives that were stronger than most grown adults, the tiny little fighters a daily reminder of the miracles that could happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when she's watching Alex Karev hold that newborn against his chest, exhausted from the hours spent on shift, yet never moving a muscle, she's reminded just how beautiful the NICU can be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries to ignore the way her heart begins to beat faster when he looks up at her, he's trouble, trouble she can't afford to get herself into.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are you staring at?" He croaks, rubbing his eyes gently, careful to not disturb the baby cradled against his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing...brought you a hot chocolate," Jo mumbles, shaking off her trance, all the dark thoughts fading away whenever he’s around,  a small smile still playing on her lips as she extends the cup out to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well bring it over here then..." Alex grins, his tired smile making her feel immediately more comfortable as she takes a seat beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s not sure how long they sit like that, in comfortable silence, the only sound the coming from the machines around them. Jo’s never really had anyone she could just sit in comfortable silence with before, without feeling the pressure to say something...anything. But with Alex, she didn’t feel any of that. She had no idea why but with him she could be herself, no judgement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in the silence Jo finally let her the day hit her, falling into a peaceful sleep. When she wakes she finds herself pressed up against Alex’s side, her head leaning against his shoulder as his leans on top of hers, she can tell from his even breathing that’s he’s also in a deep sleep, the baby still held tightly against his chest. She carefully slips away from him, watching as his face scrunches up, readjusting in his sleep to lean against the chair. Her eyes scan over the machines in the room, the baby’s heartbeat still as strong as it was when she drifted off. Relief floods through her, she’d never have forgiven herself if she’d distracted Alex and something bad had happened to this baby. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glances one more time at Alex and the sleeping newborn, before heading towards the door trying to shake how comfortable she had been to sleep beside him as she heads down the hallway brushing past Reed who must’ve already started her shift, the look on her face letting Jo know she had in fact seen their sleeping arrangement.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It’s a couple of hours later after rounds and an early morning surgery assisting the new peds fellow that Reed corners her in the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s married you know, not to mention a total ass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo’s face falls, she really didn’t need anyone thinking she was a homewrecker. That’s not who she was but she knew Reed well enough to know she didn't really care about anyone else's business unless it affected her own business. “Is that why you’re hanging around like a bad smell?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me?” Reed scoffs. “I’m not bringing him hot chocolate in the middle of the night…maybe a little bit of harmless flirting, a quick trip to the supply closet, you know he has the reputation for it.” She smirks, nodding her head towards the NICU room where Alex was still camped out. “When you play with fire Jo...you're the only one who gets burnt.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Time to meet your mommy.” Alex thinks he might remember this moment forever, it was only 12 hours ago he thought this baby was gonna die in his arms and now he was handing her over to be held by her mother for the first of many times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way the mother's eyes light up as she sees her for the first time is permanently tattooed in his mind. This was it, the reason he’d become a doctor. “She’s so beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels Jo’s hand press against his back as she smiles at the new mother, he’s glad she’s here experiencing this moment with him. He wishes them well as they both take a step back leaving the new family to enjoy their first moments together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What you did today...that was awesome.”  Jo smiles nudging Alex's side as the watched through the window as the new mom held her baby girl, she was gonna be okay they both were and it felt pretty fantastic to know he’d helped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nods, rubbing his face he was truly exhausted. He’d only had a few hours sleep. He vaguely remembers Jo falling asleep on his shoulder, she'd seemed so at peace as she sleeps that he couldn't bring himself to wake her, plus it wasn't like he was going anywhere at least that's what he'd been telling himself. He'd promised he'd talk to her about it...about whatever weird thing they seemed to be falling into but when Bailey had shaken him awake she was already gone. “Yeah it was kinda awesome wasn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey come with me,” Jo whispers, taking a hold of his hand, pulling him along before he even has a chance to protest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are we…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just come on…” Her eyes are sparkling as she leads him down the hallway and he doesn't have the heart to tell her he’s too tired to hang out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What are we doing here?" He grumbles ignoring the tingles coming from their joint hands as he allows her to drag him into the supply closet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just wait…" Jo grins ignoring his grumpy mood as she comes to stop, bending down slowly she reveals a pink box that Alex recognises from the bakery downtown.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I stole them from the nurses on derm, they won't eat them any way they're all no sugar and gluten-free." Jo mimics the nurses, turning her nose up as she opens the box to reveal a fresh batch of doughnuts, handing Alex one as she pulls one out for herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's powdered sugar, it's your favourite." She nods, as she stares up at a confused Alex who seems to have frozen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex couldn't quite place the feeling that was taking over him as he watched Jo grin up at him with a half-eaten doughnut in her mouth and powdered sugar all over her face, he felt the overwhelming urge to lean over and wipe the powdered sugar from the corner of her plump pink lips and it scares the hell out of him because he knows and he has known for a while now that he’s falling into dangerous territory with Jo, but he can’t seem to stop it like there was no pause button to their story. "Yeah...no...this is great thanks." He stutters he's about to ask her what's going on? Why would she do this for him? but before he can the door swings open and Yang and Grey are standing there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry to interrupt, it's just Izzie is here.." Meredith snaps looking between the two of them, he wasn't even aware she was back at work and this is when she decides to show up...seriously? "You know your wife Izzie?" She makes a point of looking at Jo as she mentions his wife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the bubble bursts, the little daydream Alex found himself caught up in fading away in an instant as he turns back to Jo. There’s a question in her eyes and he’s immediately filled with guilt as he drops the remainders of his doughnut into the box she’s still holding, wiping his hand on his scrubs as he brushes past her, never looking back as follows Meredith down the hallway. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading, this story is a little choppy but I'm trying to stay as true to season six as I can with a few minor changes.</p><p>I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am.</p><p>What do you think is gonna happen now Izzie is back in town?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Ends with meetings in parking lots</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I mean I'm losing my mind and this whole fic is a mess of me just skipping between charters and stories but I'm trying to stick with the actual episodes so.</p><p>I don't wanna fix it, enjoy what you get.</p><p>Thankyou for reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You know I stick up for you? I have your back even when people don’t think I should…” Meredith hissed from beside him. Alex had no idea where he was going or if he even wanted to see Izzie. He’d just got used to the idea of her leaving, he had just started entertaining the idea of a future without her in it and now she was back. She hadn’t answered one of his calls this whole time and now she'd just magically reappeared. Not to mention Meredith and Christina knew before him. He wanted out, he didn’t wanna talk to Izzie or the three women who had been staring at him so expectantly only moments ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your point?” He growls as they round the corner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith rolled her eyes, grabbing on to his arm as she pulls him off to the side of the hallway. “I thought you were better than this Alex, cheating on your wife!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex recoils, shrugging Meredith off him. “What? I’m not cheating on Iz.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously Karev it’s getting old don’t you think sneaking off to on-call rooms and supply closets with random residents.” Christina rounds the corner spotting them instantly, her smug tone making Alex burn with anger. It frankly wasn't anyone's business and he really didn't need these two showings up now after weeks of barley bothering with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex grits his teeth, leaning closer to them so only they can hear him. “For your information, I’m not sneaking off with anyone I was eating doughnuts, so sue me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that meant to be a euphemism for something?” Christina smirks, shrugging when Meredith shoots her a look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m seriously Alex, it's not funny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not joking and for the record, Izzie left me. What I choose to do with my life is my choice and I’d expect you of all people to let me be with judgment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is that suppose to mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex is about to respond. Tell them both that he’s sat back and watched their car crash love life’s for years without getting involved but as they reach the nurse's desk he catches sight of her. Her hairs had grown out, she looked more like herself then she had in a long time, she looked healthy she looked okay. He could feel the anger building in him as they’re eyes met, she was fine, she wasn’t bothered at all. He’d been going through hell and she’s just fine. For weeks all he'd wanted was for her to be here, to be able to see her and now that she was here he didn't want anything to do with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Izzie...so you are back?” Christina speaks first already making her way over to where Izzie stands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You told them?” Izzies voice makes him shiver uncomfortably, the sick feeling in his stomach growing. She’s annoyed that Meredith told him she was here...unbelievable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before she even has a chance to speak he’s gone, his feet carrying him away from her before anyone had a chance to stop, he was done. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“So what’s going on with you and Karev have you even talked to him?” Percy looks across at the blonde in front of him. Honestly, he thought she was crazy, not only because she threatened him like a true psycho but from what he heard her methods as a doctor were more then questionable, some nurse had even mentioned her falling for a patient.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is that any of your business?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s everybody’s business.” She looks over at him narrowing her eyes but saying nothing so he takes it as a sign to continue. He couldn't really care less about whatever rom-com drama was taking over the hospital but if he could gather some information that he could then hold over her or even better yet hold over Karev then he’d take it. “It’s all anybody talks about around here, Stevens and Karev, have they talked? are they talking?... I mean that was all before Wilson came in I guess. After that everyone had their answer which is why I’m so confused you’re here now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wilson?” He watched her face fall and he knows he’s got her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her and Karev have been getting pretty close recently. I’m pretty sure they may have even had a sleepover on the peds floor.” Percy smirks conveniently leaving out the part where there was a patient present and they were on call as Izzie turns back to Dr Singer. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“This is the yellowest man I have ever seen…” Lexie exclaims as she stared down at the patient in front of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods from across the bed, her eyes wide as she scans over the chart, he seems to be getting yellower by the second. This was good, well not good, not for the patient at least but she needed this, she hadn’t the able to think straight knowing Alex was somewhere off in the hospital with his wife. They were just friends...ahh who’s she kidding she’d definitely felt something for the guy, even knowing he was married there had been something about his wife not being around that had let her forget that and fall into whatever hole she found herself in now. “Right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like mustard yellow…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s more banana.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, we get it’s he’s yellow.” Bailey snaps, narrowing her eyes at the two doctors before she begins to pull the blinds.  “Find out the cause of this man's discolourations and don’t say a word to no one...understood.” She threatens, making Jo and Lexie nod frantically as they glance at each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure Jo could do this, distract herself from whatever was going on and just treat her patient. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“Have you even talked to Izzie?” Christina mumbles, making Alex groan throwing down his half-eaten sandwich, was it too much to just eat his lunch without having to talk about Izzie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Christina…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?" Christina exclaims looking at Meredith. "He can't keep avoiding her and hiding out in the supply closet with a hairball.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it alright?” Alex barks, slamming his hands down on the table making them both jump. “Just shut up and stop talking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stands, watching as a few more tables look over at the commotion, it’s clear everyone has been talking about him and his failure of a marriage all day. Everywhere he went he heard the hushed whispers, his name, her name, rumours of where she’d been and why she'd left him. “I'm not cheating on Izzie, I’m not sleeping with Wilson for christ sake. I couldn’t care less about her, she's a way to pass the time.” His voice raises as he spins around the room letting everyone hear him.  “She’s just fucking distraction.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you told her that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care what little orphan Annie thinks or what anyone else thinks for that matter so back off and leave me alone.” </span>
  <span>He raged, the whole cafeteria had turned to look at his angry outburst. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s there, he hadn’t noticed her before, standing next to Lexie, her lunch tray shaking in her hands. He winced as their eyes met watching the hurt flash through her eyes. Taking a few deep breaths trying to calm himself down hating the way her eyes begin to water. He’s a piss of shit and he knows it, instantly regretting everything he'd just said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cafeteria is still silent, all eyes on him and he can’t seem to look away from Jo as she drops her tray on the closest table before scurrying out the cafeteria, physically pushing people out fo her way as she rushes to escape.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex wants to follow her out, everything in him screaming to move but his pride wins, pinning him the ground. As the waves of anger begin to fade regret sets in. He can’t follow her out, following her out will make it worse. There’s no way anyone will believe they’re not having an affair if he follows her out. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It’s a few hours later when Alex spots her, he’d been waiting for her to finish up in surgery, he was hoping he could find a moment to talk to her alone. He’d wanted to apologise from the moment the words had left his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jo I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think you need to say anything.” She cuts him, taking several steps back from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look earlier I was angry and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you thought you'd take it out on me.” Jo turns on heal stoping Alex in his tracks. Jo glances around seeing lots of eyes already focused on them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing she grabs hold of Alex’s hand pulling him along before she remembers what it must look like from the outside. Dropping his hand the moment his fingers intertwined with hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you heard what people are saying?” Alex's eyebrows furrow as he follows her into the on-call room. He knew she'd be upset, her face in the cafeteria had a mate that clear but a small part of him had hoped he might be able to get her to see it from his side. He thought she’d get it, he thought she’d understand that he had been trying to diffuse whatever stupid rumours were going around, he thought she would understand that he had a lot going on, sure what he’d said was wrong but he thought she of all people might show him some understating after all she had been the one beside him the whole time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I have heard a lot today, whore, cheater, adultress, bitch just to name a few. I have heard it all today Alex…” Jo spits her eyes filling with tears making Alex realise he’d been thinking about this whole day from his point of you, not Jo’s, not Izzie's just his, it hadn’t really occurred to him that he wasn’t the only one people were looking at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the worst was you calling me a little orphan Annie...you used something I told you...something that was personal to me as an insult. You know people say a lot of things about you Alex...that you aren't a good man, that you hurt people but I didn't believe any of it, I wanted to make my own opinion of you.” Jo scoffs, shaking her head at her own stupidity. "</span>
  <span>You know I was so sure people were wrong about you, I couldn't understand why you who is so caring to your patients, who is sp funny and kind would have the same awful man whore reputation but I get it now, you can be all those things when it suits you...when you benefit from it, but really you don't care about anyone at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's not true…” Alex begins to protest taking a step towards Jo, watching as with every step he takes closer she takes one more back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn't it? I deserve better than to be the ‘distraction’ you use to get over your poor broken heart or while you wish for you wife to come home, well she’s home now so you can go.” Jo seethes as her back hits the wall, gesturing towards the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go away, Alex.” She mumbles after a second as Alex remains where he is. She’s crying that much is obvious and Alex has to fight the urge to move closer, to wipe her tears away. His wife was here, I mean he could go and find her right now if he wanted to but all he wanted to do was to dry Jo’s tears. He has no idea when things began to change for him, but they have, they’ve changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Jo, you were never meant to get caught up in all of this...and I hate that I hurt you. You’re a first person in a long time that didn’t scare away when we met.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn't respond, she remains motionless leaning against the wall, her quiet sniffles the only sound to be heard. He takes her silence as his cue to leave as he slips out of the door quietly giving her the space she asked for. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Today had been a day from hell. A phrase Alex had been saying pretty much daily lately so actually maybe this was just hell. He didn’t understand how he’d got here, how so much had changed in a matter of months. Six months ago he would’ve gone anything for Izzie to just live and now he could barely stand to be in the same room as her. He’d fucked up and somehow he’d managed to drag Jo into it with him. Jo, the first person to see his pain and not run the other way, the only person that had stuck around and helped him, brought him coffee when he was tired, reminded him to pay his bills at the start of the month, made him laugh when he couldn’t even fathom the idea of being happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s not sure when it happened exactly, this bond of whatever they have. But he knows that seeing her in pain hurt a hell of a lot more then he’d expected. It was eating him up on the inside he just wanted to fix it like she’d fixed his pain. But fixing that started with figuring out what the hell was going on with Izzie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you back or?” He slips into the gallery, deciding to sit the row behind her, knowing some distance will be better so he can keep his thoughts in order. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh did you want me to come back?...because you told the chief you had serious doubts about my abilities and now I hear you're off with what I’m sure is another one of your whores.” She snarled, not turning to face Alex as she watches the surgery down below, crossing her arms over her chest as she huffs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighs closing his eyes for a second, so whatever rumour that was going on about Jo had got to her. Alex had been kinda hoping it hadn’t, because it wasn’t a lie when he said nothing was going on between them...physically that is, emotionally he wasn’t so sure where his heart lied anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did know though that Jo wasn’t a whore, that she didn’t deserve to be the hospitals number one pariah. The problems between him and Izzie had begun long before Jo. “Don't talk about her like that okay? It’s not what you think, Jo and me-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh so you are sleeping with her...probably only got me fired so I was out of the way.” Izzie spins around her chair to face him her eyes ablaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex's nostrils flared, she had no right to be mad at him, she left, not him, she gave up and walked out on him, whatever happened after that was on her. “I’m not sleeping with her, and I didn’t betray you. Webber was making cuts. I was trying to protect you when I spoke to him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got me fired Alex.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that what you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lets out a half-laugh turning back in her chair. “This job was the one thing I had left, the one thing and you took it away from me. You interfered and you got me fired.” Her voice drops quietly and for a moment he thinks she might be crying though he can’t bring himself to care, every word coming out her mouth like a sword straight through him. How could the only thing she has be her job? What about him? Why wasn’t he enough? Why was he never enough?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can forgive you for a lot Alex. I’ve had to forgive you for a lot but I cannot forgive you for this.” She twists the wedding band around her finger as if she’s about to pull it off as she turns back towards him. “You know I forgave you once for cheating. I thought you'd changed, I thought you'd become a better man but you are the same waste of space you have always been.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d heard the speech before, and not just from Izzie from everyone his entire life, he wasn’t good enough, he was a waste of space on this earth. Today however the speech felt different though, today was the first time he didn’t want to prove them wrong, he didn’t wanna fight to change her opinion of him, if she didn’t know him by now she never would. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You made an assumption, you decided I did something, you didn’t ask, you didn’t hang around to talk or find out.” He leans forward making her jump slightly.  “I am your husband and you didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt, you just believed that I would have an affair without even asking me, you think that little of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span> He stands to leave stopping in the doorway watching as she keeps her eyes focused on the surgery below. “So you know what I can’t forgive you either.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>She does this every time. Every damn time she lets herself fall for the bad guy, the wrong guy, the guy that hurts her. But this time it's worse because he's never laid a hand on her, no he took something much worse, he took a piece of her heart and she'd let him. She knew he was married and still, she'd let herself get caught up in him and now she’d let it affect her work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo hiccups again as she finally calms herself down enough to stop crying, she’s sure she resembles some sort of panda, still curled up against the wall, still in the exact spot Alex had left her in a couple of hours ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey” Jo startles as she looks up to find Lexie standing sheepishly in the doorway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sits up straighter, wiping away the mess of tears and snot from her face as she tries to look more presentable. “Hi…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look on Lexie’s face lets her knows there no amount of wiping that could fix her appearance as she slowly makes her way over before sliding down the wall next to Jo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I must look pretty stupid right...cause I knew he was married and I swear I haven't slept with him or any of that other crap that's been going around.” The words come out of her mouth before she thinks about it, she’s not even sure why she’s telling Lexie all of this, she doesn't really know her for all she knows she's probably best friends with his wife and was joining with all the others that had felt the need to discuss Jo today.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe you.” Lexie gives her a genuine smile, nudging her shoulder slightly as she pulls a pack of tissues from her pocket, handing them to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do? Why? Don’t all you Seattle Grace residents wanna get ahead. I mean my reputation is ruined now, I'm the whore sleeping with the cancer survivor's husband apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we all know it's a little more complicated than that...look, everyone around here knows Alex Karev can be kinda…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An ass? Dickhead?” Jo supplies, making both her Lexie laugh quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure I was gonna say angry but that works too.” Lexie grins. “And for the record, you are one of us Seattle Grace residents now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo smiles nodding appreciatively as Lexie stands up, offering her hand out for Jo to take.  “Come on, let's go get you a drink.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“I think she’ll be back,” Meredith mumbles from beside him swirling her drink around the glass, her optimistic attitude grating on Alex as he downed the rest of his drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure I want her back .” He admits slamming the glass down just as the bell above the door rings out. Alex looks up to find Lexie laughing along with something Solan was saying, Jo, trailing along behind her, a fake smile plastered across her face as she nods along with their conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watches as her eyes search the room finding him immediately. Relief floods through her the minute their eyes meet but that fades almost as quickly as it appeared as she mutters something he can’t quite lip read to Lexie before disappearing out of the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith frowns, patting his shoulder lightly, oblivious to what was going on behind her. "You wanna keep drinking…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...no I’m good.” Alex shakes his head, throwing his share of the bill down on the table as he grabs his jacket hurrying towards the exit before Meredith even has a chance to respond.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>"You were right..." He catches up to her just before she reaches her car, the cold Seattle rain pounding down on them as she turns around, she looks deflated as her eyes meet his, from the second she’d seen him at the bar she’d made her excuses to Lexie, thanking her for the offer and promising a raincheck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Alex...it's been a long day and I'm tired." Jo sighs, running a hand through her hair, trying to keep the tears from falling again, the pain from earlier today hitting her full force now the distraction of work was over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nods, shoving his hands into his pockets so he could resist the urge to reach out and hold her, knowing it wasn't fair to anyone to do so. "I know...I just need to say something."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well say it then," Jo grumbles, raising her eyebrows at him, she really didn't wanna get into it with him now, she really wants to go home, drink a beer and forget she'd ever met Alex Karev.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all of it, I never meant to hurt you, Jo."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I know that Alex, you said that earlier." She sighs again, annoyed at herself for wanting to fix the sadness in his eyes as he speaks, he has a wife to do that for him she reminds herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were right, you deserve better, you deserved better than me Jo," Alex mutters, cutting Jo off as she tries to interrupt him. He's not looking for pity here, he just needs her to hear him. "I'm not a good man and I'm not saying this to make you feel bad I just...I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You done?” Jo tries to keep in mind all the awful things he’d said today, she tried to hold on to her anger but it was proving increasingly hard when he was standing there looking like a lost puppy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost…” He nods, moving closer her grabs hold of Jo's hand his eyes never leaving hers. “You deserve better then what happened today and I decided I wanna be the kinda man you deserve.” Alex swallows deeply, the events of the day weighing heavily on him but with the whisky still burning in his throat, he decides it's not or never.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo’s frowns searching Alex’s for answers as his hand reaches up, tracing across her cheek gently like he’s asking for permission to move closer but she’s frozen. His hand leaving a searing path of heat across her skin that even the cold rain couldn’t cool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing…” Jo whispers as she feels his lips ghost across hers sending shivers down her spine, it’s wrong it’s really wrong but my god she wants it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes flick down from hers to her lips, his breath fanning her face lightly. “Testing a theory.” He musters gruffly as she grabs hold of her face, tangling his hand in her hair as he pulls her up, their lips crashing together passionately.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Clandestine Meetings & Stolen Stares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm glad people are loving this story but I won't lie this chapter is a mess, mostly because Alex Karev had very few scenes in 6x10 but also because affairs are typically messy and complicated.</p><p>Thank you for reading.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Thanksgiving</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighed checking his pager for the umpteenth time. Thanksgiving usually brought in the coolest cases but with the merger bringing in more doctors than ever before it was hard to get a look in on these cases. He was hoping to have something distract him from his current problems, Jo used to be his distraction, his safe haven but now she was the problem, it would be alright if she wasn't actively avoiding him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They hadn’t spoken since their kiss in the car park almost two weeks ago now, he can still picture her face so clearly as a group of noisy interns exited Joe’s bar breaking their moment, the way she’d stumbled back out of his grip, her hands almost instantly tracing over her lips. They'd kissed and the world hadn’t stopped, it was nothing earth-shattering, there were no fireworks going off and yet everything felt different for him, it wasn’t some big moment it just felt normal, it felt natural like they'd done it thousand times before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he wanted to do it thousand times more but as more people began to empty out from Joe’s the bubble around them burst, Jo had muttered her apologies keeping Alex at arm's length as she backed away from him until she’d smacked right into her car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey” Speak of the devil, Alex's daydream is cut off as the elevator doors open, and there she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi” He mumbles, taken aback that she’d even chosen to acknowledge him today, he’d tried calling her that night, tracking her down the next day but she’d done her best to stay out of his way and honestly, it felt like Alex was living in a constant cycle of tracking down women who wanted nothing to do with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His shock soon wears off and Jo turns her back to him, busying herself with the chart in her hands as the elevator begins to move. “So what's the plan? You just gonna keep ignoring me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo spins around her mouth agape, which makes Alex smirk. “I’m not...this is not me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex shakes his head, taking a step closer as the doors open and people begin to filter in... “Jo you’re ignoring me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She narrows her eyes on him, leaning in closer so only he can hear. “I’m not the other woman Alex...I won’t be, so I think staying out of your way is best right now.” She grumbles before pushing past everyone and exiting the elevator, well that certainly had knocked the smirk off Alex's face.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“This is the best thanksgiving ever. No obnoxious relatives. No stupid traditions. No going around the table and saying what you’re grateful for.” Christina laughs as they take their seats in the cafeteria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex nods glancing towards Jo was sat laughing away with Lexie on the other side of the room. “Yeah, I think we should do the opposite. Talk about what we're not grateful for.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Merger.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Mercy Westers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re like the plague, I mean stealing all our surgeries, eating all that pie at the nurse's station.” Alex grunts, resisting the urge to throw his lunch towards Percy and Avery, they were both too smug for his liking, walking around like they owned the place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith raises her eyes brown cocking her head to the side. “You’ve changed your tune...I mean when I came back you said they weren’t that bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christina cackles, making Alex grit his teeth. “Yeah he was talking about hairball and now she won’t even look at him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex groans, throwing the last of his chips in her direction, as Meredith gives him a knowing look, they had a new rule: no Izzie or Jo talk. “Will you shut up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So that’s it you’re just done with Izzie?” Meredith asks, giving him stupidly sad eyes even for her, the truth is Alex wasn’t sure what was going on. He’d kissed Jo because he thought it would make everything easier for him. He thought maybe that whatever he started to feel for her was just in his mind, that she was kind and she’d been helping him and there wasn't anything genuine between them. He thought maybe he was just getting caught up in the chase. He was wrong, however, really wrong, his first kiss with Izzie had been full of lust, he'd known what he wanted which was to get in her pants but with Jo’s he'd kissed her knowing it would mess everything up, he hadn't been able to stop himself and now he had kissed her all he wanted to do was do it again and again, he just wanted to be around her and honestly the reason he couldn’t talk to his friends about it was that he couldn't explain it to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now you're pinning over ponytail McGee.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just shut up.” He snaps, standing up from the table. “I don’t know what I’m doing okay so just shut up and let me be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <b>Christmas</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo had managed to avoid working with Alex for over a month, she knew it would have to end at some point, this hospital might be big but it’s not that big. She was sort of thinking she could get away with it till the new year, maybe she convinced herself that the new year could bring a new start and she could leave all this mess behind but no...there were no Christmas miracles this year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, she found herself being called to the E.R at the exact moment he was, both reaching for their gowns at the same time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re working too.” He mutters, his hand finding her waist to spin her around before she even has a chance to protest as he begins to help her tie her gown up like this wasn't the first time they'd talked or touched in a month. Like the second his hands were on her hadn't taken her right back to standing in that car park with his arms wrapped around her waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo rolls her eyes, pushing away from him as his fingers linger a second too long against her neck sending shivers down her spine as she hears Bailey call out for them as two ambulances roll-up “Not like I have anywhere else to be, I'm a little orphan Annie, remember.”</span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Jo’s had some pretty shit Christmases in her lifetime, since becoming a doctor she’d typically opted to work Christmas day, it wasn’t like she had anyone to spend it with and there was something about making someone's awful Christmas that little bit better that filled her with a sense of belonging. However, standing in O.R feeling not only Alex’s but also Yang’s eyes on her as they operate on a woman under local anaesthetic has got to be up there with the worst.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yang start singing.” Bailey orders as she tries to keep a steady hand, reassuring the patient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Jewish…” Yang begins to protest before Baileys cuts her off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t care. We are singing Kelsey’s favourite song because I said so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wilson sing.” She barks making Jo squirm as she looked uneasily around the room, scowling as Alex chucked quietly under his mask. “You too Karev”</span>
</p><p>Jo sighs, as Bailey begins to sing softly with the patient, looking around the room as a small chorus of scrub nurses joined. </p><p>
  <span>“I just want you for my own.” Jo sang quietly, really not wanting to anger Bailey while she was operating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex’s gruff voice joins in a moment later after Yang. “More than you could ever know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo tries to ignore the way she can feel his eyes on her as she stares down at the patient, but her resolve only lasts so long as she glances up to meet his eyes. Their warm and inviting and she's surprised by how much shes missed looking into them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make my wish come true...all I want for Christmas is you.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“Hey, you wanna lift to dinner…” Christina looks up expectantly as she grabs her bag from the resident's lockers. Alex was too distracted watching Jo from the corner of his eye who had made no attempt to change out of her scrubs and get out of this hell hole while it was still Christmas day. It wasn’t till he’d felt a smack to the back of the head that he answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Erm no...no I’m good you go ahead, wish everyone a Merry Christmas for me.” She just sighs following his gaze over to Jo, rolling her eyes she tutted at Alex before nodding and heading out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wonders if Jo's gonna say anything as he watches her begin to pull a range of beat-up board games from her bag, maybe she doesn't even know he's still here. “What are you still doing here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said I’d go sit with Mrs Crawley.” She mutters still digging through her bag not bothering to look up at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking it as a good sign that she hadn't straight up told him to piss off, Alex wandered over lifting a pack of beat up cards to examine as he frowned. “Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fourth floor, in her 80s. She has breast cancer, smells like peppermint.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, toothpaste lady.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo snatches the pack of cards out his hands as she turns around to face him, she's caught off guard with how close he was actually standing as her back hits the lockers. They hadn't been this close since their kiss. “What are still doing here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs rubbing the back of his neck. “I just...I didn’t want you to be alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need your pity, Alex.” Jo snaps, gathering all her stuff as she heads towards the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it like that.” It’s now or never, they can’t keep avoiding each other and if he has any chance at working out what the hell it is he's feeling then he needs her to at least look at him. “I miss you, Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Miss me or miss using me?” She mocks, repeating his words, making Alex squeeze his eyes shut, he hadn't meant what hed said that day, it had been a moment of anger, he would've said anything to get the twisted sisters off his back. He wasn't using her, maybe he was all he knew is when he was around her he was happy, really genuinely happy and he couldn't stop himself from seeking that feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You. I miss you and I know I messed that up but I wanna fix it.”  He watches as she lingers in the doorway, the seconds seem to tick by excruciatingly slow as he waits for her to say something. “Give me a chance to fix this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nods, turning around, looking him up and down slowly her lips pursed as she considers his words. “Okay…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes now let’s go before I change my mind.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex didn’t have to be told twice as he rushes out of the door, catching the blush that spreads across Jo's cheeks as she bites her lip as they head towards the fourth floor. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>A couple of card games later, and Jo thinks she might have spoken too soon because sitting around playing UNO with Mrs Crawley while Alex eats all of the old lady's hidden candy just might be the best Christmas she’s ever had. It’s actually sort of infuriating that she had only been speaking to Alex again for two hours and yet already everything feels better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna go grab us some hot chocolates okay?” Alex mutters, standing as he pats Jo shoulder lightly, he’d won UNO once again and Jo was starting to think he’d cheated so maybe it wasn't a bad idea he left the room, it gave her a chance to cherry-pick her own cards while he wasn’t watching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s cute.” Mrs Crawley whistles as she cocks her head to the side checking Alex out as he wanders away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo chuckles, shaking her head, there really wasn’t anyone who could deny Alex Karev’s charm when he turned it on. “Mhmm and married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see…” Mrs Crawley exclaimed as if she finally understood what was going on. “He seems quite smitten.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo turns to look out the door again making sure Alex wasn’t about to reappear while she was talking before leaning closer to Mrs Crawley. “He’s trying to get into my good books I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I think it more than that my dear, you think an old girl like me hasn’t seen it all before? Trust me I have seen it all before, and let me tell you the way the man looks at you is not to be taken lightly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo shifts uncomfortably in her seat as she begins to shuffle the cards in her hand hoping to avoid this conversation entirely. She knew that she knew the way Alex looked at her was like no one had ever looked at her before, and she couldn't even glance at him without turning bright red, especially when he was looking at her like she held the world in her hands, I mean no one had ever looked at her like she was something special before but every time she relished in the way his eyes saw her she was reminded he had a wife, that she wasn’t the only one he looked at.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey…” Alex reappears in the hallway, a tray of steaming hot chocolates in his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I’m feeling awfully tired.” Mrs Crawley announces suddenly as Alex places the tray down on the bedside table. She fakes a yawn dramatically making Jo eye roll. “Thank you two so much for coming along.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo shakes her head, giving the old woman a pointed look as she stands, Alex moving to help her pack the rest of her stuff. Just as Alex reaches the door Jo feels Mrs Crawley grip onto her hand pulling her closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ignore your heart, you’ll only live to regret it.” She whispers before releasing Jo, winking at her. “Oh and Jo...lookup.” She grins as Jo meets Alex in the doorway, the pair looking up to see a sprig of mistletoe hanging above them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo wanted to die, in that exact moment, she wanted to die or maybe not die but she wouldn't mind a fire alarm or something. There was no way this old lady could have set this up beforehand, she had no idea Alex was coming until a couple of hours ago. Before Jo has a chance to react Alex is leaning in, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek, and Jo lets out a sad sigh as his lips leave her skin, the warmth spreading through her. It was short and sweet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merry Christmas Jo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not fair it so not fair to feel this happy and loved while also feeling more conflicted and alone then she’d ever felt before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Merry Christmas Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>New Years Eve</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex had never been one for New Year resolutions, he thought it was a load of crap but he couldn't help the small part of him that hoped this coming year would be better. There was still no sign from Izzie, according to his friends she was still alive just not talking to him. Jo, on the other hand, had slowly been warming to him, since Christmas she didn’t walk the opposite way when she saw him coming, she didn’t talk to him as much she used to though, especially when Meredith and Christina were around. In fact, the only time things felt okay, the only time Alex had really felt happy in the last few weeks was when it was just him and Jo when they could be themselves but times like that were rare in hospital as busy as this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he’d take any time with Jo surrounded by onlookers or alone, and right now assisting Altman in the O.R while Jo quizzed her like the true nerd she would usually make Alex's eye roll and mutter something rude but watching her eyes light up over her scrub mask only made him smile. Like his happiness was infected with her happiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well would you look at that…” Altman nods towards the clock, as everyone looks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“5...4...3...2...1”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cheers erupt across the room, half hugs and happy wishes are exchanged across the room and before Alex even knows what he's doing he's leaning down pressing his masked lips against hers. It’s nothing special, a small peck, one he's sure some of the other staff would have noticed but he doesn't seem to care as Jo’s eyes look back up at him surprised. He can’t stop the shit-eating grin that spreads across his face as her eyes sparkle back at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy New Year everyone.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>He knows he’s in trouble however as time goes on and she gets quieter, shifting away from him so they're no longer brushing up against each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No more kissing.” Jo grabs him by his scrub top as they finish rounding on Altman's patients a little while later, dragging him into a supply closet forcefully.  “If you want me you need to prove it. You need to sort out your shit.” She snaps at a flabbergasted Alex, poking at his chest with each word.  “I’m not your other woman Alex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lets out a deep breath, holding her finger up to his mouth as he goes to interrupt her.“I think we have something and I don’t think I am imagining it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not imagining it.” Alex agrees, his hand twitching at his sides, desperately wanting to reach out and hold her. He knows he can’t, he hears what she’s saying, he can’t do this half in half out, still married crap. He needs to sort out his shit he knows that he can't keep blaming other people for his misery and he sure as hell don't wanna keep being the source of her misery. She's right, he gets the feeling she usually is, she doesn't deserve to be a dirty secret or someone's side piece. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods, she looks like she is battling with the same urge to touch him as her hands hover closer to his shoulders before she wraps them around herself. “Good...then I guess the ball is in your court.”</span>
</p><p>Alex swallows, guess he will be making some resolutions after all. Sort out your shit.</p><p>
  <span>“But we’re still friends right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo chuckles softly. “Yeah..friends I can do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs, maybe this is what he needs, a clear line, a boundary. Maybe he can figure out what he is feeling and where his heart lies he's not so focused on just trying to catch her eye. “Did you hear about Sloan's daughter?” Alex questions hoping to change the subject to something lighter as Jo pushes past him to head down to the cafeteria. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See her?” Jo exclaims. “I’m surprised you haven’t tried to sleep with her yet.” She laughs, making Alex roll his eyes, huffing as they reach the elevator. “Too soon?” She grins wrapping an arm around his waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...too soon.” He grins, grabbing her waist making her squeal as they slip into the elevator. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So much for clear boundaries. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Long time no see. I don't have an excuse so enjoy this chapter or don't.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One second everything was okay and the next it wasn’t. It had felt like a lifetime since Jo’s patient was up and talking, giving her husband a kiss goodbye as he was rushed off to surgery before her eyes were rolling back into her head as the monitors around them come alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“She’s seizing”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“Her pupils have blown…”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo tries to cut through the noise around them and zero in on the orders being barked down at her. “She was conscious and talking 10 seconds ago,” Jo mutters in disbelief, she’d just told her husband she’d be fine, she’d be waiting here for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“She's 35 weeks pregnant.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“She needs an airway.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“How long has it been?”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Almost four minutes.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Everyone off...clear.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Again charge to 300”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Robbins…”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Charge again.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Arizona.”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“Time of death 23.16”</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound is deafening, all Jo can hear is this woman telling her husband she loved him and she’d be waiting. She’d be waiting for him...except she wouldn’t be because she was dead...because 10 minutes ago she’d been talking to Jo and a minute later she was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dont...she was just taking to us what happened that fast…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Massive intracranial bleed...you can’t come back from that.” Bailey mutters as she looks back towards Arizona who was still looking between the patient and the doctors in the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bag the patient…” her words seem to push everyone to spring into action, as Bailey began compressions. Leaving a startled Jo staring down at the patient, her hand squeezing around the bag without thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“We’re delivering a baby…”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“The minute the baby is out you can stop.”</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>It all happens so fast, before Jo knows it a blur of a baby is being lifted up into Arizona’s arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“He's not crying…” </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>“The baby’s not crying” </em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo chokes on her words as she watches Arizona check the baby's heartbeat, her eyes glossing over as she looks down at the mother on the table. </span>
</p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>She feels numb as she's sent out to the hall to compose herself, the harrowing image of the mother's lifeless eyes plaguing her thoughts and she'd mindlessly followed Dr Robbins up to the NICU. She'd watched for hours as the ventilator breathed for the little baby boy that had been made motherless before he'd even arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey I heard you had a busy morning...how’s he doing?”  Jo looks up to see Alex on the other side of the incubator, he looked happier then he had in a long time, a bright smile spread across his face, penetrating through Jo’s sombre mood, her eyes were still red and puffy but she’d stopped crying, pushing her feelings down as she pulled herself together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vitals are stable, he's hanging in there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo considers lying, telling him she’s fine and moving on but as she looks up to meet Alex’s eye her resolve crumbles, her tears threatening to fall as her lip quivers. “He's only been alive two hours and he's already lost his mom, his dad barely survived surgery...he doesn't even have a name.” She bites down on her lip as she feels Alex's gaze burn into her. “How are we supposed to do this? The dead mothers, the motherless babies. It's just too freaking sad and hard and messed up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sucks but it's the job.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She steps back immediately as Alex shrugs checking over the baby. “Really? really?” She hisses her eyes ablaze. How could he just say that...like it was nothing? Turning on her heel Jo can feel the anger taking over as she pushes out of the NICU, she can hear him following along behind her, his hand wrapping around her wrist. She snaps her arm away quickly as she stumbles out of the hallway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jo...Ho.” He grabs hold of her arm again softly spinning her around. “I'm sorry.” He whispers quietly, hesitantly reaching out, his fingers tracing over her cheek before he remembers their surroundings. He drops them to his side, shoving his hands in his pocket. “I just...I mean it won't help to focus on what's already happened...what we can't fix."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods, she doesn't have it in her to fight with him. Not today. “No, I'm sorry it’s been a crappy day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna scrub in on my surgery? I'm with Torres on that quarterback.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh look at you working on a hotshot...thanks but I think I wanna stick around make sure that little guy is okay.” She feels a little smile creeping on her face as she gestures back towards the NICU, as Alex nods touching her arms gently as he passes promising to find her later when he’s finished being a rockstar. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“What's the deal with you and Wilson?” Meredith had been watching Alex and Jo’s little discussion from the nurse's desk, she’d seen every small touch and smile and it had turnt her stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not trading her surgery for sex, are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex's face scrunches up at the idea. “Give me a break…” he growls, shaking his head at her. It wasn't the first lecture he'd got about his relationship with Wilson but he honestly had believed if anyone was gonna cut him some slack it was Meredith.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because if you are it's gross.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs spinning around until he’s face to face, towering over her. “Look if I sleep with her it's because I want to...because I like her,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith shoves him hard, her fists hitting against his chest but she only manages to make him take a step back as she tries to lower her voice aware of their surroundings. “I know it may not feel like it but you are still married and Izzie is coming…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That's it, he’s heard enough. The mention of Izzie’s name is enough to make his blood run cold. “You know what I’m done worrying about Izzie cause she sure as hell ain’t worried about me...and don't give that married bullshit like you weren't sleeping with Derek while he was married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s different, I didn't know he was…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That didn't stop you once you did though, did it?” He moves in closer until they’re an inch apart, if she wants to lecture him then she better be prepared to hear it back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith steps back, shaking her head slightly in disgust. “This is the old Alex lashing out and sleeping with some random person because you're angry and hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That's what you always did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then we grew up and we got married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, it turns out your stupid post it is ten times the marriage my church wedding ever was...I’m moving on. I’ve moved on.” Alex growls a frustrated sigh leaving his lips like he’s pleading with her to see what he sees. </span>
  <span>“Look Jo isn't some girl I'm sleeping with to get over izzie...she's special Mer I dunno when I think about her I...look don't worry about what i'm doing…”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Jo doesn't see Alex again for the rest of the day, when she does finally drag herself away from the NICU she finds him laid out in the gallery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey…” Jo appears plopping down in the seat next to him, her eyes already trained on the surgery down below as she reaches over to take some of the chips from the bag in his lap completely unaware of the tension filling the room as Alex feels Meredith's eyes burning into his head from where she’s sat behind them. “There was only so much hovering I could do before Robbins forced me to go get some food.” She whispers and Alex just nods before turning his gaze down to the surgery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Wilson you know Izzie Stevens?” Meredith hisses from behind them and Alex groans as he spins around narrowing his eyes on his friend. There was a small part of him that had hoped she would leave it but he knew the minute Jo had come into view it was game over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Grey.” He warns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo feels a little uncomfortable as she sees the already busy gallery now solely focused on them. “Not really no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith just scoffs as she folds her arms over her chest. She’d still been recovering when Jo had arrived but from what she heard Grey pretty much owned the place so it was good to see she’d made a real impression without properly meeting her. “You know she's Alex's wife? And she's not here right now but they're still married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Meredith shut up.” Alex snaps his eyes flicking towards Jo and she hates the way she can see sympathy for her shining back in them, she doesn't want people to feel bad for her, especially not him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some people think you're divorced and you're not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo sighs standing up, she’s had enough, this isn’t anything she doesn't know or hadn’t heard before and right now she just wants to think about anything else. Right now there’s a little baby whose mother just died fighting for it’s life so there are worse things to be worried about, things far more important than Alex and whatever Grey was insisting. “Believe me I know he's married I don't need you to remind...me now if you'll excuse me I have a patient.” </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Meredith's mind was buzzing as she flipped her phone ever in her hand, willing it to buzz, for Izzies name to appear on the screen. She felt like everything was starting to slip away from her, she’d return to a hospital she no longer recognised, one without George, without Izzie and she just couldn’t stand the change...not if she didn’t have to. This Alex...this Alex she didn't recognise...she had enough new faces with the Mercy West lot she didn't need Alex to change too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need you to talk to Alex.” Meredith mumbles as she falls into step beside her husband having spotted him leaving surgery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Derek looks up surprised as he wraps an arm around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please I’m asking you for a favour.” He raises one eyebrow, knowing she already knew his answer and why he thought that not only was it completely inappropriate but just weird for him to talk to Karev. They weren’t exactly buddies he could just about tolerate the guy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meredith sighs, grabbing hold of his arms stopping him in his tracks. She watches as he huffs before checking his watch, he didn’t have the time to get involved with her friends' love lives, sure but she needed help.“Derek please he is going down the wrong path and I just have a lot going on and so I'm asking you to help me out here and I know he's not your friend but he is mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look I really dont think Karev is gonna want to take relationship advice off me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you can try….please I’ll make it worth your while.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Try is exactly what Derek finds himself doing, as he stares down at the patient in front of him, the quiet of the O.R is irritating which leads to his mind wandering back to the earlier conversations with his wife, her promise on his mind as he glances up to Karev on the other side of the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you spoken to Stevens lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If it hadn’t caught the way his jaw tightened he would’ve thought for sure Karev hadn’t heard him, it’s only after a couple of minutes does he hear the guy whisper a response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this something we need to talk about?” Alex sighs looking up briefly, he can read it on his face, this wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, especially not with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like to talk sometimes in surgery. It helps me relax so I don't make a mistake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn't it be the opposite?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’d think that but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If it’s all the same to you Shepherd I’d rather not talk about Izzie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Derek nods, he couldn’t agree more it wasn’t like he wanted to talk about it either, but his wife’s pleading face flashes through his mind once more when they’re scrubbing out and her figures one last try won’t hurt especially if it means Meredith never asking him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Look, Karev, the thing about affairs...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did Mer ask you to do this? She did, didn’t she?” Alex snaps as he drops the soap into the sink with a thud. “I don’t need you lecturing me about affairs because from where I'm standing yours worked out pretty well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Derek sighs, he gets it. He wasn’t really in the mood for other people’s advice when Addison had first shown up, he really hated the way people thought they understood him, understood Meredith. No one did...no one ever could. But maybe that made him uniquely qualified to offer advice, it’s easy to look back now and think it was worth it but if he could have saved either one of them just a little bit of pain he would have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hurt a lot of people...people I really cared about and it took a long time to fix it all, just because it worked out…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Alex stops in the doorway turning back to face the older doctor, “Why did you do it? Have the affair with Meredith I mean, why did you carry on even though you knew it would hurt the both of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I couldn't stop myself. I just couldn't...she was like my oxygen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you get it then…you know why I can’t stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Alex…”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Speak of the devil and she shall appear they say. Wilson’s leaning against the wall opposite, concern written across her face as she spotted them, clearly she'd been waiting a while. "Alex we need to talk."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not right now Jo.” Alex hisses waving a hand at her dismissively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that’s how you feel then you should sort things out with izzie….falling in love with two people at the same time it's not something that you can fix quickly, you’ll end up hurting them both and you’ll regret it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alex…” Jo starts again. It's obvious she’s heard the tail end of their conversation, her cheeks flushed as he clutches the folder in her hands tighter to her chest. “Alex…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said not right now Jo.” Alex barks whipping around, Derek watches for a second as she seems to shrink back, her eyes watering slightly and suddenly he’s feeling very uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a patient's family to update…I’ll erm…” he gives up, knowing neither one are currently listening to him as he slips away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Derek winces as he hears their hurried voices echo down the hall as he goes on the lookout for his wife, promising this was the last time she’d ever let her talk him into anything concerning her stupid friends.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>“What is your problem? First, you let me get ambushed by Grey and know you're yelling at me like I'm dirt.” Jo snaps furiously wiping her tears away, she was exhausted physically and emotionally and all she wanted was a little normality, she wanted to feel safe. Alex was her safe space or he usually was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You...you are my problem. All day my only problem has been you.” He snaps pointedly and it’s a new side of Alex, one she’s not accustomed to, this morning he was all for making her feel better and now he was acting like she was trash. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't get to talk to me like that. I didn't force you to be friends with me." Jo yells, slamming the door behind her as she follows him into the empty on-call room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Look I was mad and I was scared." Alex grits his teeth, he's sick of this shit, sick of being yelled at by every other person who has an opinion on his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why?" Jo snaps, smacking her hands against his chest. "Why...what's so awful about what Shepherd said that meant-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because he's not wrong is he?" Alex snaps, gripping her wrists, stopping her mid hit, as he pulls her closer so they're eye to eye. "I am falling in love with you, which is something I can't do because I'm a married man and you’re only gonna end up hurt."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo pulls herself out his grip, turning away like his words had burnt her, reaching for the door when he speaks again, each word hurting more than the last</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm a married man with a wife who I want...wanted to come home... every day I'm sitting by the phone waiting for her to call, or at least I'm meant to be but lately, I've been hoping she doesn't call…"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And that's my fault how?" Jo whispers, her back still to Alex, knuckles turning white from her grip on the door handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Because you made me love you but I can’t lie to you, Jo. I can't lie to you because I do love you but I also love Izzie and Izzie is my wife Jo a</span>
  <span>nd I’m mad at her now, but I still love her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you. And I love you.” </span>
  <span>He whispers, hanging his head low as he hears the door click shut behind her.</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Meredith sighs as she hears the beep of Izzie's voicemail for what feels like the 100th time that day, ignoring the heated texts from Derek as she pressed redial. “Izzie it’s me, I know you want space but you can't have space because Alex might be moving on...he is moving on.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hadn’t taken long for the heated words between Jo and Alex to flow through the hospital like one big game of Chinese whispers, you’d have to be blind to ignore what was going on between them. This was it, this was the last thing Meredith could think of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come back and work in the clinic because you're throwing your career away,” Christina yells making her wince as she pulls back holding the phone away from her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cristina.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sighs as she pulls the phone back. “Ignore her just call me back okay? Or come home.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Alex really wasn't in the mood for a visitor as he heard a knock on the trailer door, hoping if he just stayed quiet whoever the hell it was would go away, he didn't need any more unsolicited opinions, he’d been kicking himself all day. He swears every time he felt a little bit better about his life something or someone came along like a wrecking ball to just tear him down. He hated the way everything had become so complicated between him and Jo especially since whatever was going on between them felt so uncomplicated, it felt easy and effortless and like nothing he’d ever experienced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The knock at the door again has him wondering why he’d ever bothered leaving the frat house if he was still going to be hounded. Whoever it is doesn't seem to be giving up any time soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, he puts down his beer, hastily opening the door he's surprised to find Jo looking back at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey" she mutters, she looks deflated today's case had really hit her hard, even without the drama today would've been tough and she hadn't seemed to be able to shift her mood, Alex had been her last resort even after their argument. She just could shake her patient's eyes as they grew cold and somehow as she'd whispered hush words to little baby boy up in the NICU about how loved he was, it was Alex's words that were still echoing in her mind...he loved her. Not many people had loved Jo before, it wasn't something she'd heard often in life. She wanted that...even if it was just for tonight, she just wanted to feel loved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey" Alex nods like he's waiting for her to say something, perhaps an explanation as to why she's at his door in the middle of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Am I interrupting anything?" Jo asks peering past him to check for herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No...you wanna come in?" Alex shakes his head, stepping aside letting her pass him, relief flows through her as he does, she was so sure after today he was done with her, he’d always been the one to chase her and now today...today it felt like he’d finally realised she wasn’t what he wanted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, this is how you're spending your evenings, can't believe you got pizza without me…" Jo mumbles picking up his half-finished beer and taking a swig.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alex sighs, he can tell by the tone of her voice she isn't in a good place and out of all the people she could've gone to she's here with him, he never really thought he'd get this chance again, all he seemed to do was screw things up, he didn't wanna screw it up by hurting her again. "I'm sorry...about the kid, I know this one hit home for you." He chooses his words carefully, never mentioning their earlier argument or his confession of love for her or for Izzie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jo nods, a sad smile playing on her lips as she leans against the countertops. "It's all part of the job right?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You wanna talk about it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not really…" Jo mumbles, placing the bottle down slowly, moving to stand in front of him, her eyes never leaving his, they don't need to say anything, the other already knows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that Alex is lifting her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist as his lips find hers, promising to take all her pain away if she'll do the same for him. He doesn't want to hurt her, he does in fact want to take all her pain away, and selfishly he needs her to quiet the constant noise in his mind right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a bad idea, he loves another woman, one he’s married too but she can’t help it because she loves him too, she's in love with him and she needs him and she knows how this story ends with her heartbroken all alone but right now, right now it all feels so right she can’t bring herself to care. </span>
</p>
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